9/19/23
Today E gave me a paper with sunflower stickers on it. I don't even think he made it, but he found it and he chose to give it to me. "Daddy these sunflowers are for you."
I don't think he meant much by it, but we sing the Post Malone song "Sunflower" together. It brings back memories of the week of his birth. The sleep-deprived drives I made back and forth between home and the hospital, and the new CD I got for the Spider-Verse soundtrack.
"Then you're left in the dust / Unless I stuck by ya
You're the sunflower / I think your love would be too much."
He took this mundane thing and it just meant so much to me. It was a song unique to our relationship as father and son, and he acknowledged it. He heard it. It was his expression of love.
10/23/23
This morning E freaked out when the automatic timer on his sound machine turned off. I waffle between this setting so much, but he's going through a hard time and he's terrified of his room. In Encanto, they show the walls of the house cracking all the time due to the magic, and I think that's what he's afraid of when he stares at the walls in his room. It's terrifying, and it was no help when his soudn machine turned off of its own accord today.
He came to our room screaming and we talked to him. Eventually he let on that it was his sound machine and I felt so bad. I escorted him back to his room, and showed him that the machine can still turn on and off like normal. I disabled the automatic timer at 7AM. I made such a mistake that I decided to stay in his room for the morning. His mom was getting up now so she could take care of them after I spent the morning with them. E needed a positive experience in his room.
We took his Yoshi stuffie and played bedtime with it. We fed it dinner, gave it a bath, brushed his teeth and helped him go to bed. He needed it today.
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