Because YOU demanded it!

This is it! You asked for it on day one, then howled for it a day after! But I wasn't gonna show my hand! I was a tight-lipped, teasing Tina!

But enough is enough! Something's gotta give, and that something is me! I gotta give the people what they want, and what they want is

A Clark Bar
by Necco©

The packaging is red, white and navy blue. Can't go wrong with those colors. There's a big bad CLARK that dominates the bar, and really, would we have it any other way? The packaging tells you all you need to know, and nothing else: the company, the candy and the net weight. So really, this is a candy that doesn't need any flash to sell itself! It absolutely screams "I am made from a company that is over two centuries old."

There's a label underneath the "Clark" that says, "Chocolatey Coated Peanut Butter Crunch," and boy, they aren't lying! The chocolatey coating reels you in, but the peanut butter crunch is the main attraction! It's not really a crunch like a wafer (Twix), but more like the crunch that comes with crystallized sugar (Butterfinger). It packs a lot of kick in it, and you might bite your tongue without even knowing!

So, when all is said and done, and eaten, where does the inexorable Clark Bar fit into today's world candy equation? I wouldn't say it's your average family household candy bar, like, say a Twix or a Crunch. Nah, it's a little too crunchy for that, a little too wild, even after two centuries. A Clark Bar isn't the kind of girl you go out with to the drive-in for a good old flick and snacks at the lobby. No, you go out to the drive-ins with a Clark Bar to totally mack out with.

The Clark Bar

Fine Candy Since 1847!

Teen Titans vol. 6: The Ultimate Chocolate Analogy?

Teen Titans vol. 6: Titans around the World

by Geoff "I take too long to write a story arc" Johns, Tony "Wasn't he the guy from BATMAN: RIP?" Daniel, and some fill-ins

WHAT IT'S ABOUT: In the line-wide event ONE YEAR LATER, every DC title jumped ahead, well. . . one year later. With the help of Tony Daniel and a couple fill-in artists, Geoff Johns attempts to tell an interesting story with the Teen Titans by shaking up the roster, and introducing some new teens to the Teen Titans.

WHAT I LIKED: You certainly can't fault Johns for his choice in characters. Kid Devil brings some lightheartedness to the team, while a lot of the other, older members seem to just weigh the story down with MOODY MOODY MOODY. Ravager (daughter of Deathstroke) has a pretty headstrong attitude that makes for some pretty funny (and sexy?) situations.

From Zachary Zatara's brattiness to M'gann M'orzz's innocence, Johns knows how to give each character personality, and he knows how to write their banter as well. It kinda reminds of Bendis writing in Ultimate Spider-Man.

WHAT I DIDN'T LIKE: The colorists for this title SUCK.

Come on guys. Come on. Mia doesn't have a freakin' boob window on her costume. That's ridiculous.

Why would Miss Martian, the sweetest, most adorable teen titan, wear a swimsuit as a costume? Come on guys. You suck.
Why wasn't any of this corrected for the trade?

Probably the biggest flaw with this trade, though, is how many cast members it tries to juggle. In the first arc, the Doom Patrol plays a huge role in it -- which is not a good thing, because after being introduced to these new titans, the LAST thing you wanna do is throw another team at us, with their own angst and backstories! This isn't as bad in the following arc of the trade, but it still leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

EXTRAS?: Cover gallery at the end. This is still 15 bucks for issues 34-41 (8 issues), though, so not too shabby.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

This is a nice thing to check out from the library, but nothing more. It's kinda like a partially melted Kit Kat bar. It doesn't taste too bad while you're eating it, but as soon as you're done, well, great, you got your hands all dirty. It's not really worth spending money on, unless you're a die-hard Teen Titans fan.

Just get a Clark Bar instead.

Fine Candy Since 1847!

some friendly neighborhood stream of "consciousness"

No real post today, just some errant thoughts and concerns. None of the images I use will have anything to do with anything.

1) THIS IS MY REVIEW FOR THE SPIRIT (2008):
Frank Miller's The Spirit was OK. I mean, it's a completely different monster from Will Eisner's stuff, because Eisner managed to tell a story in 10 pages, and didn't try to pack so much into a single story, but the movie was OK, and paid enough attention to the past.
The tone was somewhat schizophrenic, and not as fun/action/adventure-y as Eisner's. Why was there such an emphasis on technology, and artillery? I felt that went a little overboard.

(SPOILER:) It was totally awesome when Octopus exploded and left a smoke trail in the shape of an Octopus. That is the kind of visual thing that Eisner would play around with.
Also, Morgan Stern, the rookie police officer, is really cute. I adore her Brooklyn accent.

2) I JUST FINISHED ALAN MOORE'S WATCHMEN:
And no, it's not 'cause the movie's coming out. It's just that the library never has it, because everyone wants to read it.

I always approach these kinds of critically-acclaimed books with a skepticism, because hey -- I'm not really reading this of my own will. I'm reading it because it's so darn acclaimed, and you can't escape that fact.

That said, it's pretty awesome. It's a little dense at some points, and intellectually hard to chew, but it makes sense in the end.
My particular favorite aspect about Watchmen is that every issue tells its own story, in contribution to the larger story. God, this trade. . . it was in an era when we didn't have decompression. You know how good that feels?

Every issue has its own meaning that sets it apart from the others. One is about Rorschach's past, and it frames his behavior perfectly while in prison. Another is built to flesh out Doc Manhattan, and it's something of a philosophical treatise on time! Another is designed to show us the blossoming relationship between Laurie Juspeczyk and Dan Dreiberg.

It might be my cynicism on recent weekly comics, but I really miss this kind of writing. Where something important belongs to each issue, and they all culminate in the final insight of, "Who watches the Watchmen?" God.

3) OKAY, I WAS LYING:
I do like Rocky Road ice cream.

4) UNFORTUNATELY:
In the midst of all these trades, and these movies, and my "thoughts" on them, I won't be able to review the last volume of 52.

I know, it breaks my heart too and widens my eyes in terror in the background of a horrendous fire. I don't have enough time, because I need to return to university on Friday, and I'm actually supposed to be doing academic crap now.
I can't wait to get my grubby hands on the fourth volume though!

5) CLARK BARS RULE:

It's true, you know.

6) IF I DON'T SEE YOU GUYS BEFORE THEN:
Happy New Year!

INTRO TO DEMONS 101, as presented by Rayne of Bloodrayne

All right, all right guys, quiet down please; let's have some quiet now.

I'd like to start off by thanking you all for coming out here, all two of you, and I am just so grateful that we got such a great turnout today.
Were the concessions all right by you? I didn't have any money, so I could only get this clark bar in my closet and a snickers I found on the train ride here. If you guys came here looking for blood, though, I'm sure I can help you. I supply the blood; you supply the fangs!

(cue laugh track)

No, no, you're too much guys. You're too much. If you really want to get your blood pumping, though, let's talk to our guest speaker today.

Her name is Rayne, but you may know her better as "that lady who dresses up in leather and beats up neo-nazi vampires."

Take it away, Rayne! What do you have to say to us today?



Oh that's an interesting sentiment you have there. Could you care to demonstrate why?

Oh.

That doesn't look too pleasant.

Uh, excuse me. I think that clark bar was a little too aged for my taste; let's just open up the floor now for questions, while I get to a bathroom. . .

(a very gangly man with one twitchy eye and 1.5 legs raises his hand, and says:)

Hi Ms. Rayne. Long-time listener, first-time stander-upper. (gestures passingly to his lack of a left leg) I was hoping to see if you had any advice for me. You see -- the other day, I found a spider in my bathtub, and, well, I did what any other right-minded human being would do to get rid of it.

I summoned a demon from the nether regions of hell.

The good thing was that I got the spider. The bad thing was that the demon stayed. I was just wondering how you'd return a demon to Hell after summoning it. I've tried rain dances; I've tried all kinds of books of spells; I've even tried Geico, but none of them worked! I got put on hold, of all things!

As you can see Ms. Rayne (points to .5 leg), this is very much relevant to my life and its survival. I know you're supposed to say something, but what exactly is it, Ms. Rayne?

What am I supposed to say?

Ah yes. Of course.

(the man furiously scribbles notes on his arm, as I return from a much-needed bathroom break. Hey, that's me!)

. . . And we're back! I'm afraid that's all the time we have for today, so let's just thank Rayne for her time.

Thank you Rayne!

(everyone is seen leaving the room, except for one person. He hops out.)

This seminar was brought to you in part by your friendly neighborhood blogger and. . .

Clark Bars:

Fine Candy Since 1847!

stuff I DIDN'T get this week

Ahoy-hoy guys. It's me, your friendly neighborhood comics blogger.

Normally, I just go through comics as I get them, but I thought today I'd do something different. Instead of continuing with reviews, I thought we could actually talk about stuff I didn't get. It gives me a chance to look at everything I'm missing out, and hopefully a chance for you to tell me about something I'm missing out on! So let's get jiggy with it:


-Oh hey the third issue of Secret Invasion was out today. I'm always meh about event comics, because, by their nature, they're big and over-arching. I prefer the details. Hopefully, people are enjoying Secret Invasion.

Handily enough, I caught a glimpse at the checklist, and you'll notice that the tie-ins increase by month!

A little psychology lesson for you: this is what you call the foot-in-the-door phenomenon. It's pretty much a strategy for getting people to do what you want. Take, for example, I want you to get me a box of ice-cool clark bars from the refrigerator, except the fridge is too far right? So I ask you to, for example, to get me the pen that's right next to you. Then I ask for the pad that's a few steps from you, and so on. . .

. . . I skimmed through issue three, and lemme tell you this much: Leinil Francis Yu draws a kick-ass Venom.


-And I suppose I should make a comment on Final Crisis as well. I skimmed through the first issue and found that I had no idea who most of the people were. It's not very reader-friendly, although I did note the red skies, which were a nod to the red skies in Crisis on Infinite Earths.

I hope readers enjoy Final Crisis, and it helps bring DC out of the rut it's currently in.

-I was skimming the indy shelves and saw that Madame Mirage #6 came out.

One question: WHEN DID ISSUE FIVE COME OUT???? All I remember is some campy-style writing that ran counter to the futuristic noir setting, lots of big boobs, and then -- nothing! A big fat hiatus.

Needless to say, I didn't pick it up, but I'll always wonder.


-Note to self: I should get Vertigo's First Cuts before it runs out. Six issues for 5 dollars; there's really no way that that's a loss.


-Some big hitters for Marvel include the first issue of Ultimate Origins, which is supposed to give us the origins of the Ultimate Universe. I'd like to check it out, but it seems as if I can just get the story from word-of-mouth on the blogosphere.


- I also figure I can get by word-of-mouth what's going on with the apparently well-received first issue of Trinity, by Kurt Busiek and Mark Bagley.

I have to say, I'm really impressed that the first issue is 3 bucks, because I usually see DC selling its first issues for 3.50 or the like.


-A big book that had critical acclaim but never made it through commercially is the Manhunter series, which was cancelled and apparently brought back, this week, with issue 31!

Which makes me sad, because good writing should equate good sales =(.

-And hey, check out this free Atomic Robo contest that blogger Kirk Warren is setting up. Get over here, answer some questions about Atomic Robo and you'll be in the sweepstakes for a free and signed Atomic Robo trade!

Atomic Robo is a fun adventure comic with roots in history. It features Nicola Tesla's ass-kickin' robot Atomic Robo and the Fightin' Scientists of Tesladyne!


-You know, doing this little segment just reminded me how poor I am, because if I weren't, all of these would just be on the review block.

So what do you think? Any of the stuff here you're particularly fond of? Am I missing out on something great?

I'd be much obliged if you could answer a question, or heck: go wild and answer two! Bwahahahaha!

Regardless, feel free to leave a comment, and if you're shy, you can always choose "Anonymous"

Panel by Panel: Birds of Prey #116

I have to admit, the reliability of comics this week every month is really, really sexy. I distinctly remember getting this exact same bunch of comics in the same week of last month as well. Consistency is a really big turn-on for me.

Anyways, I think that's enough weirdness for today. Let's just talk about creeps in shark jumpsuits with drug fetishes. Let's review Birds of Prey #116.

Birds of Prey #116
by Sean McKeever and Nicola Scott

Check out that cover; do you notice whose name is on the writing credits? I'll wait. . .

. . . Misprint alert! I'm pretty sure Simone left the Birds after issue 109.

So in this issue, Lady Blackhawk has been drugged to become -- Queen Killer Shark! Pirate Pearl of the Pacific!

That name alone almost redeems getting drugged -- but not nearly enough. Remember how in this post I said Killer Shark was a douchebag? Well, the Killer Shark in this comic is his grandson, and on the flipside: he's not a douchebag. He's a stupid loser greedy fanboy with too much time on his hands.

Sigh.

So his backstory gets fleshed out here in McKeever's fourth and penultimate issue: this Killer Creep discovered that his grandfather was a legendary pirate. Although his grandpa told him plenty of stories, the man never told him where he hid Killer Shark's booty -- so the Killer Shark in this comic thought to wrest it not from Lady Blackhawk, but from -- Queen Killer Shark! Pirate Pearl of the Pacific!

Meanwhile, we go to Black Alice and Misfit, who're still being angsty and childish until --

<-- Black Canary in a box breaks up the brawl! That is great; that is just great. Oracle, though, is still being kind of miswritten. She's not Batman and she should never be written as cold as he puts himself off as, although it's believable given the circumstances.

Thereafter, Black Alice bounces out with an eerie message:

"I know where you live."

and then Oracle says to Misfit ---->


That close-up on Barbara brings up something about the art -- the faces tend to be clones of each other! What is going on, artist Nicola Scott? Okay, fine, there's a child-girl face and an adult-girl face, but I'm sure you can do better. I give you props, however, for your paneling. It's very clear and eye-catching.

Meanwhile, on Killer Shark Island, Queenie takes them to the treasure, and Killer Shark gets absolutely ecstatic - like a jerk. He reveals that he'd originally planned to kill her once he found the treasure, but now that he sees it, he's too happy to.

What a jerk.

And then he reveals further that the Shark serum could only've been made in massive batches, so maybe Queenie would have to share him with Huntress, who'll no doubt get serum-ized.

. . . kids, that is what you call "creepy." Do not take candy from this man; it's most definitely drugged. Do not get in a car, submarine or plane with him -- even if it's shark-shaped. If you see a shark-shaped sub, your first instinct should be, "Run." Are we clear?

Good. So, throughout the entire issue, I no doubt wanted this guy to get shown up. He does, with an arrow in the butt:
Sigh. So later, Queenie's memories return to her, and she tries to reason out how Huntress got free from captivation:This was both a very heartwarming moment and a very strange one.
Heartwarming: it's really sweet to see that Zinda's subconscious wanted to save Huntress even when her conscious didn't want to.
I also love the clark bars. You can't go wrong with those.

Strange: Why would Zinda say bling? I'm googling the word, and its first appearance was around the 90s. Zinda, a time-displaced WWII aviator, really should not be using that word.

Bad McKeever, go hide in the corner.

And that's the issue. There's some cliffhanger-y stuff that introduces the menace of the arc's very first issue, but that wasn't too compelling. Keep in mind, though, that Misfit's powers are magic-based. That should come in handy.

Overall, this was a really well-plotted issue. There are a ton of developments in the issue, yet nothing seems too crowded or cramped. There are lots of moments to be happy about, yet none of it's overwhelming.

Maybe I've just gotten used to decompression, but this issue really gives a lot of bang for your buck.

A three out of five Killer Shark teeth for this issue. Based on the writing, it should be more, but still, it could've used more Zinda Blake and less creepy Killer Shark.

I know, I know, this was from last issue, but I don't care. I love Zinda.