Zinda Blake shows us. . .

. . . How To Call a Cab!

Step One: Stumble drunkenly from your local bar. The nighttime is prime cab-calling time for you, and it's preferable to have a bottle of beer in one hand. If you don't have a local bar, then any Petsmart will do, so long as you stumble drunkenly. Some random utterances might help you as well.

Step Two: PUNCH THE TAXI.

Did you take notes? If not, you can find out for yourself in Birds of Prey #112, by Tony Bedard and David Cole. It's one of my favorite single issues in the title.

INTRO TO DEMONS 101, as presented by Rayne of Bloodrayne

All right, all right guys, quiet down please; let's have some quiet now.

I'd like to start off by thanking you all for coming out here, all two of you, and I am just so grateful that we got such a great turnout today.
Were the concessions all right by you? I didn't have any money, so I could only get this clark bar in my closet and a snickers I found on the train ride here. If you guys came here looking for blood, though, I'm sure I can help you. I supply the blood; you supply the fangs!

(cue laugh track)

No, no, you're too much guys. You're too much. If you really want to get your blood pumping, though, let's talk to our guest speaker today.

Her name is Rayne, but you may know her better as "that lady who dresses up in leather and beats up neo-nazi vampires."

Take it away, Rayne! What do you have to say to us today?



Oh that's an interesting sentiment you have there. Could you care to demonstrate why?

Oh.

That doesn't look too pleasant.

Uh, excuse me. I think that clark bar was a little too aged for my taste; let's just open up the floor now for questions, while I get to a bathroom. . .

(a very gangly man with one twitchy eye and 1.5 legs raises his hand, and says:)

Hi Ms. Rayne. Long-time listener, first-time stander-upper. (gestures passingly to his lack of a left leg) I was hoping to see if you had any advice for me. You see -- the other day, I found a spider in my bathtub, and, well, I did what any other right-minded human being would do to get rid of it.

I summoned a demon from the nether regions of hell.

The good thing was that I got the spider. The bad thing was that the demon stayed. I was just wondering how you'd return a demon to Hell after summoning it. I've tried rain dances; I've tried all kinds of books of spells; I've even tried Geico, but none of them worked! I got put on hold, of all things!

As you can see Ms. Rayne (points to .5 leg), this is very much relevant to my life and its survival. I know you're supposed to say something, but what exactly is it, Ms. Rayne?

What am I supposed to say?

Ah yes. Of course.

(the man furiously scribbles notes on his arm, as I return from a much-needed bathroom break. Hey, that's me!)

. . . And we're back! I'm afraid that's all the time we have for today, so let's just thank Rayne for her time.

Thank you Rayne!

(everyone is seen leaving the room, except for one person. He hops out.)

This seminar was brought to you in part by your friendly neighborhood blogger and. . .

Clark Bars:

Fine Candy Since 1847!

Comics I "read" UPDATE

The summertime calls for many things. It calls for scraped knees; it calls for late-night bike rides. It calls for (more frequent) bouts of drunkenness, and, if you're in the states, it calls for a crapload of fireworks.

But most importantly, it calls for some hardcore summertime cleaning, no holds barred.



Today we go through my reading roster, to see what's changed, what hasn't, and what's about to. I have a listing of the roster -- updated on the sidebar, around the bottom of the sidebar content. You might also notice that I've put some new pictures on the sidebar about the M.O.vengers and Green Arrow's descent into poor writing. I've also removed the Free Comic Book Day banner and updated the title banner for the blog, but enough of that. . .

. . .Are you ready to rock????? (a little note: most of the links below will link to reviews of the comics in question, which I do so you can see the reasoning for the opinions I state here!)

Comics I "read"

* Amazing Spider-Man (on and off)
The "on and off" remains, and although I picked up the most recent arc, I'm not going to get back to the title until Slott gets back on "New Ways to Die" with John Romita Jr. One More Day is still a travesty, but a) that creative team is wonderful and b) I really want this title to respect the characters again.

* Birds of Prey
The creative team is taking such a shuffle that I'm getting vertigo! First Tony Bedard takes over (which I'm actually fine with, although his debut issue was mediocre at best).

And then Nicola Scott's leaving to work on a Secret Six ongoi--

--whoa, felt a little dizzy there. Gimme a sec to recover myself, grab some water.

Ah! Nothing like some fresh Aquafina to brighten your day! Aquafina -- Pure Water, Pure Taste!

And Oracle-Approved, even!

* Bloodrayne
When I was a kid, I always wanted to play the video game, but couldn't, because I didn't have a PS2.

I'm a kid now, but older, so I can at least read the comics. It always seems like they come out late, but that's partially because it gets so little attention.

It's fun vampire action, and really, what else does a kid need?

* Booster Gold
I got this, because it's pretty much a love letter to the DC Universe and all its history, and I thought I could understand some DC history through this.

It's not really working out as well as I wish, so I'm thinking about dropping it.

The problem is, I hate dropping books, because it makes me feel like a bad and noncommittal person.

* Catwoman
I got onto this book late, but I'm really enjoying what Will Pfeifer is doing with Selina. It's a damn shame that it's getting cancelled at issue 82.

The quality of the writing is splendid, and I think the world would be better if people would stop complaining about books like Final Crisis and instead supported small, underappreciated books like this.

* Detective Comics
I have great affection for Paul Dini's style of writing (compressed, done-in-one) and for Dustin Nguyen's art (sleek, stylistic, emotional), so you can tell that I've been enjoying Detective.

The problem is, this guy called "Hush" is returning, and there's a lot of hype about it, but I feel like I'm missing out on something important, because I only recognize him from that "Hush" crossover between Batman and Detective.

* Fables
It's Fables.

It's great.

* Hack/Slash
I read way too many horror comics to be squeamish, but Hack/Slash is one of them. It has its on and off days, but this too seems to be on a late schedule, so I'm okay with coughing up dough for it.

It's lost some of its humorous edge for a more serious tone, and I can admire that. Emily Stone's art continues to be beautiful.

* House of Mystery
I know I haven't been blogging about this fledgling series, but I'm really enjoying it so far, and waiting for some new issues to really solidify that enjoyment.

Y'know what would help that decision?

Some ice-cool Aquafina. Aquafina -- Pure Water, Pure Taste!

* Nova
It's Nova.

It's awesome.

* Sky Doll
Sky Doll isn't your average comic, and in this day and age, that's a wonderful note to hear.

A smart comic about one sky doll's need for freedom, and although the six-dollar price point sounds high, that's six dollars for 44 pages. One issue of Sky Doll is worth two average issues, and take it from me, guys -- it's totally worth it.

* Supergirl (occasionally)
That issue with Pfeifer and Randall caught me off-guard, and I'm still reeling from it. I just have no idea what's going on anymore, and Puckett is taking way too long to wrap up his cancer arc.

I'd like to believe you Kara, but it's getting damn hard to.

* Wonder Woman
I earlier felt enthusiastic about Simone, the new writer for Wonder Woman, but to tell you the truth? Not so much right now. I wish I had a reason to tell you why, but if I did, I'd be lying to myself.

* X-Men: First Class
I have a Marvel subscription to this, and although I'm still vaguely enthusiastic about it, the only reason I'm still reading this is because I'm too lazy to cancel the sub.

-----------

If you haven't noticed, I've eliminated a few comics. Green Arrow/Black Canary has disappointed me in neglecting who the characters are, so I had no choice but to drop it. Ollie and Dinah deserve so much more than what Winick is writing them.

Oh, Dinah, there's no need to be bashful now. I'll still skim through your book though.

Uncle Sam and the Freedom Fighters, Dead of Night, featuring: Man-Thing, and Countdown to Mystery are all miniseries that have ended, so I've taken them off the list.

This is Gonzo the Mechanical Bastard. He is awesome.

And I suppose that does it for the comics I read. Maybe you wanna speak up about one of them? Wanna recommend your own?

By the by, I'm planning on dropping a couple books that I talked about here, so I could fit in DC's Manhunter series in the list.

So step right up and don't be shy! Your opinion matters!

(P.S. please don't mind the product placement. Aquafina had a gun to my hea--

And never forget citizens! On your way to the comic shop and as you comment here, look for some ice-cool Aquafina! Aquafina -- Pure Water, Pure Taste!)

friendly neighborhood housekeeping

I have a HUGE reading pile, and having just finished up the school year, just noticed how much there is to blog!

I really wanna do some reviews today, but y'know what? Let's do something different, because, after all:

Well said, American Dream. Don't be a stranger to the blog now, y'hear?

My reading pile is kind of huge now. It ranges from early issues of Gail Simone's Birds of Prey to some portions of Essential Howard the Duck, not to mention the glut of Free Comics from Free Comic Book Day.

I'm kind of tired right now, and there's a huge pile of books on top of my scanner, and I feel compelled to show you some cool scans. I want to try to clean up and organize stuff today, but come tomorrow, I promise I'll whip out the scanner and talk about all kinds of stuff, from Fables #73 to Ultimate Spider-Man #122.

BUT!

That doesn't mean we can't talk about upcoming comics (because I already have the images on my computer)!

Specifically, John Romita Jr. coming up on Amazing Spider-Man. If you couldn't tell, I'm a huge fan of his, and he was a gateway artist for me into comic books.

His Spider-Man will always be the iconic rendition for me, from the eyes right down to the (slightly anorexic) anatomy, to the head shape, to the fingers, to the everything else.

But of course, his style varies, so let's take a break from the hectic day-to-day thunder that we call LIFE to examine this variation. Specifically, let's talk about Romita in the Stracyznski era of Amazing and the transition to the BND era. Although our sight's a bit limited (preview pages are all I have!), that doesn't mean that there is no difference!

Naturally, a little promo page serves as evidence:

And now a panel from a preview page for Amazing 568:

You may squeal at any time of course, but let's keep it at our indoor voices, all right?

Look at these two and then compare it to the other two images above them. Let's size up the differences:

1) First of all, notice the muscle tone in the legs as well as his biceps. I think it's safe to say that they've been increased to make Spidey look less anoreexic. Good.

2) The coloring is a little drier, less dynamic than Scott Hanna's coloring, but I don't think that should really detract from the storytelling. I sure do miss Scott Hanna though.

3) And the biggest part of any Spidey costume: the eyes! The eyes always have it, and there's definitely a change here. The edges taper less and the curves aren't as strong. Compare the first spidey image and the last on this post, and you should notice a difference, much to my dismay.

I wish this change hadn't occurred, but that's just me being a purist tightwad. Maybe it's due to a different inker? Anyways:

4) Lastly, we should never forget the most important proponent in any Spidey comic: Peter Parker! We've yet to see any preview pages for the guy, but hopefully, he's not changed too drastically right?

Weekly reviews are comin' up, so sit tight, true believers.

What Black Canary Will Do to You if You Miswrite Her:

. . . this for one:



and then. . .



. . . so tread carefully and respectfully, Mr. Winick.

That's all for today, so I guess there's nothing left to say except. . .

A FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD NOTE: No reviews this week, sorry guys. I wanted to get Uncle Sam and the Freedom Fighters #7 and X-Men: First Class #10, but I'm saving them for next week. That, and, I've never reviewed those books on the blog, and I don't wanna just jump right in.

Panel by Panel: Deciphering the Winick Code in GA/BC #6

Usually, I make "panel by panel" posts on comics that I really like, or that I really just despise.

Today's is kind of strange; it's kind of an exception.


Green Arrow/Black Canary #6
by Judd Winick and Cliff Chiang

And that exception is due to The Winick. I can never get my hand precisely on his writing. It is absolutely an enigma; sometimes he can just hit it, really get these characters, but sometimes he is just awful, awful, awful.

And this issue was a great example of that. Case in point, Winick really doesn't understand how people talk at times -at times. Does this guy need some kind of coach or something, because sometimes - sometimes - his lack of realism in the dialogue is truly terrifying.

"Heavy duty, mondo, butt-kicking SURVEILLANCE. . ."

How can you be kicking butt when you're surveying the area???? "Mondo?" "Mondo"???? Are we ten years in the past now???

"OLIVER. . . MY LOVE. . . You are going to HAVE to push back that OCEAN OF RAGE -- that MONSOON OF EMOTION that kicks around in your body like a RABID BEAR on STEROIDS."

HUH?? Wha. . . wha. . . HUH??? Where are we? Is this still Dinah? Ocean of rage???? Monsoon of emotion?!?! RABID BEAR ON STEROIDS?!?! Is this the same woman who said (and I don't agree with either quote),

"Huh, so THAT'S why he couldn't JUMP MY BONES? Not even ME?" (or something like that.)

Winick, why do you do this? Why do you make such inappropriate dialogue? Is it because you've never heard any real person talk before? Is it because you want to get back at Ollie and Dinah? What have they done to you? Is it because you've never spoken to a real person before? Is that it? Do you just need a friend, Mr. Winick?

So there: Winick seriously needs to work on his dialogue. That's what I find extremely flawed in his writing.

Yet he has so much fun with the dynamic between Ollie and Dinah! It made me endlessly happy to try to figure out the opening scene, in which a Russian arms dealer (and his "accountant") are talking to vendors of the "cloud" (it's really a ship) that shot Connor:

Guess who they are.

Go ahead, guess!

The two turn out to be (Ollie and Dinah!) fishing for clues of the ship! They eventually get discovered, but not before causing a ruckus, kicking some mobster tail and then jetting it! It's fantastic; this is the kind of stuff I expect from a GA/BC team-up!

And then back to the bad.

<-- Is Oliver bipolar or something? This really worries me. Is this the real Oliver? Why does he get so angry about this? He makes a similar outburst in issue #4, when he is a complete jerk to Hal about extracting the bullet from Connor, so it appears that Winick is trying something.

I seriously don't think this is a healthy sign of Oliver's character, or a real part of Oliver's character. It doesn't fit with all of his past portrayals, and this is severely disturbing me.

This outburst leads Dinah to try to comfort Ollie, and that utterly heartwarming scene that just tore my heartstrings.

I mean, it just provoked a monsoon of emotion from me, and I couldn't control my ocean of sympathy for the two.

All mockery aside though, it was nice to see them feeling warm for each other.

Which brings us to Dinah's role in the comic as a whole. Ever since Ollie came back, it's been the All-Ollie Hour with Dinah occasionally coming to support him and tell him that he's a good man - so she's basically a side character.

I can see why so many people have no faith in Winick's writing, but then we see this delightful three-panel sequence of Ollie and Dinah being chased by a ship:

Arrowcar, arrowplane, dumpy van, whatever it is, you can drive it, Ollie, but motorcycles? I think you better leave that to Dinah.

So they eventually beat the ship that's chasing them, and they find out: ALIENS! ALIENS shot Connor!

Okay, first get the initial "Uh. . . What?" out of your system. These aliens aren't established aliens in the DCU, so why could they be here?

My theory is that the aliens are somehow tied into Final Crisis, which'd be a damn shame, because I hate when mega-events interfere with my books. There is, though, the big, big chance that I'm wrong and Winick has something else in that dialogue-murdering (I kid, I kid) mind of his.

But I can't get a handle on your writing, Mr. Winick. You write some great moments and some great action, yet you need serious help with crafting dialogue. You drive your plots with catastrophe after catastrophe yet you make sure to emphasize the humanity of these heroes. You are so confusing.

You're spinning me around and around in circles, Mr. Winick.



Circles.

A little note about the art:

Cliff Chiang is back! Fantastic!

I'm really sad that next ish will be his last, and I wish this would have been one of the books that he helped shape a la Hester and Smith on Green Arrow or Simone and Benes on Birds of Prey, but at least we'll get covers from him, right?

There were two changes I noticed over the months: Cliff is drawing eyes more realistic and less over-cartoonishly, and he's working on his cheeks more to make them seem less baby-esque. It's great. There's also a distinct age difference between his Dinah and his Mia, evidenced in their different cheek sharpness, which was great to notice, and. . .

. . . and is it just me, or did Dinah become a lot prettier (if that's possible)?

Aw Dinah, there's no need to be shy. It's part of the blog, after all!

If you guys want me to give this comic a numerical value: speak up!

I'm not sure if a number will do Winick's strange writing, but I'll sure as hell try!

Or maybe you have something to add, it's the same: don't be afraid to speak up!

Cable !exclusive! Q&A: "I'm a Soldier."

Hi there!

You've joined us just in time to catch our !exclusive! Q&A with Cable of the X-Men!

He was kind enough to take time out of his busy, busy schedule of gun-toting, time-hopping, feet-having and Liefield-assassination-planning to sit down with us and give an !exclusive! interview!

So, Cable, most people know you for your eXploits in all sorts of X-books like Uncanny X-Men or Adjectiveless X-Men, and you most recently saw the spotlight in the X-crossover event, Messiah CompleX.

Man, that's a lot of X's.

What are your thoughts on the letter that brought you to stardom, and the people eXemplified by said letter?

Amateurs? Don't you think you're being a little harsh, Cable?

Let's bring it back a little, maybe that'll help. Let's talk about you, my man. You've gotten your own book now (how excited are YOU!), and I'm sure you deserved it! Tell us about yourself, won't you? Sure, we know you're the lovechild of Scott Summers and Jean Grey from the future, but there's more than that, isn't it? You're more than just a cybernetic arm, right?

Don't worry, Cable, everyone thinks they're prepared for my interviews, Harley Quinn and Sue Storm for example, but really, they never are.

Are you, for example, trained for wearing bandannas?

Wow!

Well, you've certainly impressed this guy. Just for reminders, though, since my memory's a little faulty, what was that first thing you said? Something about soldiers or war?

Uh-huh, fascinating! That sounds mighty dangerous, being a soldier. Your field is definitely not one for babies or small children!

Speaking of, what exactly are your thoughts on said babies and small children?

Come on, Cable, don't be coy now. My readers deserve to know, after all!

There, there Cable. You, too, were once a baby! After all. . .

Whew! It looks like we're out of time now, Cable. Thank you so much for your appearance on the blog, and you can count on the publicity catapulting you all the way up to rock stardom!

Any last words for the blog, Cable? Anything in the future you foresee, perhaps with your wide glimpse into the future?

If you're thinking about reading Loeb's HULK. . .

. . . then Rick Jones has a message for YOU!

Seriously, this stuff writes itself.

A friendly neighborhood message from Luke Cage, New Avenger:

Be afraid, hoodlums. Be very, very afraid.

Heck, look at Wolverine:


Logan knows what's up. Do YOU?

Is it just me. . .

. . . Or is our friendly neighborhood editor-in-chief. . .

. . . one kinky. . .

. . . kinky. . .



. . . kinky guy?

But I kid, Mr. Quesada, I kid. All in good humor right? (Until we start making deals with the devil, at least.)

Sigh.

Let's take a look at yon February poll. What sayst thou, O Mighty Thor?

My, we're being awful forceful, aren't we, Mr. Odinson?

Regardless, what Thor wants - Thor gets, verily, so let's take a gander. . .

. . . February's poll was tied to the arc for Amazing Spider-Man 549-551, namely the identity of Jackpot.

All two of you guys voted that she was MJ, making for a full 100% backing! Impressive, no?

Darn. Shot down by Poison Ivy. That's the life of a comics blog obscurity, I suppose. Unfortunately, we won't learn the truthfulness of the poll results for a while, because Spidey's braintrust seems intent on pulling our leg. Sigh.

So, in the interest of coming up with a new poll, I've. . .

. . . come up with a new poll! Namely: WHICH WOLVERINE APPEARANCE WILL BE THE LEAST GRATUITOUS AND THE MOST FULFILLING?

-Wolverine #63: He's gotta be on every page, after all!
-Wolverine: Origins #23: Dude. Deadpool.
-Wolverine: First Class #1: Dude. Kitty Pryde.
-Logan #1: Brian Vaughan rocks my canucks.
-Uncanny X-Men #496: You can always count on Brubaker.
-X-Force #2: Black-ops stealth Wolverine. BLACK-OPS STEALTH WOLVERINE.
-New Avengers $39: I'm not touching this one.
-Marvel Adventures Avengers #22: Oh hey, Sabretooth appears here too. Rowr.
-Ultimate X-Men #92: I'm getting really tired typing this out.
-Ultimate Spider-Man #120: Man, this is really fatiguing.
-Ultimates 3 #4: I feel really sorry for anyone reading thi
-zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I try to keep my polls topical, and since Wizarduniverse did an expose on Wolverine making March his big month, I thought I'd tie my poll in. Maybe it'll get some Wolver-fanboys here too.

A very Marvel post today.

But don't worry Harley! I try my best to be an equal opportunity blogger, and you can count on DC showing up in the next posts!

After all, I love you too much, puddin'.

So check out the poll and do that voodoo that you do, guys! VOTE!