INTRO TO DEMONS 101, as presented by Rayne of Bloodrayne

All right, all right guys, quiet down please; let's have some quiet now.

I'd like to start off by thanking you all for coming out here, all two of you, and I am just so grateful that we got such a great turnout today.
Were the concessions all right by you? I didn't have any money, so I could only get this clark bar in my closet and a snickers I found on the train ride here. If you guys came here looking for blood, though, I'm sure I can help you. I supply the blood; you supply the fangs!
(cue laugh track)

No, no, you're too much guys. You're too much. If you really want to get your blood pumping, though, let's talk to our guest speaker today.

Her name is Rayne, but you may know her better as "that lady who dresses up in leather and beats up neo-nazi vampires."

Take it away, Rayne! What do you have to say to us today?


Oh that's an interesting sentiment you have there. Could you care to demonstrate why?


That doesn't look too pleasant.

Uh, excuse me. I think that clark bar was a little too aged for my taste; let's just open up the floor now for questions, while I get to a bathroom. . .

(a very gangly man with one twitchy eye and 1.5 legs raises his hand, and says:)
Hi Ms. Rayne. Long-time listener, first-time stander-upper. (gestures passingly to his lack of a left leg) I was hoping to see if you had any advice for me. You see -- the other day, I found a spider in my bathtub, and, well, I did what any other right-minded human being would do to get rid of it.

I summoned a demon from the nether regions of hell.

The good thing was that I got the spider. The bad thing was that the demon stayed. I was just wondering how you'd return a demon to Hell after summoning it. I've tried rain dances; I've tried all kinds of books of spells; I've even tried Geico, but none of them worked! I got put on hold, of all things!

As you can see Ms. Rayne (points to .5 leg), this is very much relevant to my life and its survival. I know you're supposed to say something, but what exactly is it, Ms. Rayne?

What am I supposed to say?
Ah yes. Of course.
(the man furiously scribbles notes on his arm, as I return from a much-needed bathroom break. Hey, that's me!)

. . . And we're back! I'm afraid that's all the time we have for today, so let's just thank Rayne for her time.

Thank you Rayne!

(everyone is seen leaving the room, except for one person. He hops out.)

This seminar was brought to you in part by your friendly neighborhood blogger and. . .

Clark Bars:

clark bars
Fine Candy Since 1847!


cassie said...

have you had clark bars on your mind since birds of prey #116?

Kevin T. said...


If I try hard enough, maybe the "clark bars" tag will outnumber the "why do you hate me marvel?" tag!

Stats a-go-go