Andy Diggle's Thunderbolts: Where did it go wrong?

You guys are probably aware by now that I am a large fan of Thunderbolts. I have been, ever since Warren Ellis's stupendous run on the series, and it was just as outrageous during Christos Gage's run during Secret Invasion. When Andy Diggle took over, he brought a new cast of T-bolts, and a bombastic running start that involved our President Obama himself.

And then, well, he just treaded water until he finished. Let's look at this disaster a little more in-depth, and the future of the title.

Thunderbolts #136 was the last issue of his run. Previously, he'd added more and more Tough Characters to make the Thunderbolts seem like a Bunch of Tough Guys who do Tough Things, except he didn't give them any personality. Is that one guy without the shirt Scourge? No wait, that's the guy with the trench coat and hockey mask right? Oh no, isn't he Mr. X?

So basically, Mr. Diggle placed a bunch of people on the roster and did nothing meaningful with them. DISAPPOINTING, DUDE. You didn't do your predecessors any justice.

Hey Natasha Romanova! Can we pass a health care bill within Obama's first year in office????

YES WE CAN! And this is coming from a Russian guys. YES WE CAN.

Next up is Thunderbolts #137, an over-sized filler issue from the Rick Remender. I don't really know the guy, but he writes a great story with Power Man crusading through Thunderbolts Mountain, taking out each T-bolt one by one for his brother, Iron Fist. And then he poops out Ant Man with his bowels of power. It's a wonderful, insightful story about brotherhood, friendship and pooping out miniature people.

The next issue is Jeff Parker's start on the title. You guys should recognize him by now. He does a great job at illustrating how AWFUL the T-bolts are as a team, but the characters still need work.

Jeff Parker, don't fail me now.

Serials for 9-16: Vampirella and Thunderbolts

Hah! How long has it been since a weekly review? I haven't even bought any new weeklies in a while, partly because everything costs too much, and partly because I've been tourist-ing for a while.

I missed the second issue of Doom Patrol when it came out, as well the fourth issue of Gotham City Sirens, and you know what? I'm not really all that worse for missing out on them. Doom Patrol's been getting one-upped by its back-up feature, and Sirens #4 was a filler issue anyways!

That's why I didn't get those at all this week. I got some other stuff, like

Vampirella: Second Coming #1

by Phil Hester and Daniel Sampere

It takes a lot of guts to make an issue $1.99, especially if you're an indy publisher, so I think that kinda risk deserves a chance. I picked up the first issue of the four-issue mini, and it's not half bad. Vampirella the character is revamped into Vampirella the urban myth.

Naturally, a host of demons plan on opening a gate to hell, and it's up to Vampirella and the gang to stop them! Literally, the one thing new about the story is how the humans frame it. The woman up top is a women's social worker "marked" by Vampirella ten years ago, and her husband is an architect taken over by demons so that he can open the gates to hell. I smell a clash of the sexes!

I've never read a Vampi comic before, but it's pretty hilarious that Vampirella, this huge sex symbol, is finding herself in this one character who's a women's social worker. I was a little amused that they made the cheesecake in-story -- Vampi dresses up as a librarian and "marks" the social worker in the Georgetown Law Library! Pretty clever, guys. I also like that demons can possess you by feeding you cooked bits of your fellow human. That is insane.

Okay dude. You know something's up when your contractor has a weird growth on the side of his neck, glowing green eyes and blue flesh. Come on, guy.

Thunderbolts #135

by Andy Diggle and Miguel Sepulveda

The story itself is standard Andy Diggle: make a few twists, a double-cross and an action scene! It's exciting and all, but there are some action scenes that are way too fanboy-ish (stopping bullets by spinning your sword really quickly? This is not a video game.), and, at times, legs look like they're in the middle of yoga when they really look like they should be kicking.

At the end of the issue, Norman Osborn shoots Nick Fury in the head???? Three times???? Then they tell you to check out Secret Warriors #8 "for another perspective"????? Forget that. To be honest, the only part that really brought this issue to standard was Black Widow's hair.

It's so pretty!

Cover to Cover: JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION!

I was expecting to get the next issue of Bloodrayne: Prime Cuts today, but my local shop either didn't have it, or sold out of what copies they had. This is all fine by me, because Wizard World is coming this weekend, and I am ready to attend all three days!

But that didn't stop me from getting some other stuff! Here they are:

The Amazing Spider-Man #601
by Mark Waid and Mario Alberti, backup by Bendis and Quesada

POP QUIZ!

This is the face of a man who:

1. had a hard day of work, and can't wait to get his nap on in his favorite hand chair!
2. is really, really hungry right now. SO hungry he could eat an entire hand!
3. is one finger short on his left hand. Say, the one in front of him looks mighty appealing. . .
4. is trapped in a burning building, and getting overcome by the smog!

This is the body language of a woman who:

1. is rehearsing for CATS!: the musical.
2. JUST LOST HER CONTACTS! Nobody move!
3. can't believe she forgot her hair pin today! THE HORROR.
4. is trapped in a burning building, and getting overcome by the smog!

So yeah, the art was pretty bad in some particular points. In general, though, it was serviceable, but let's just say that I'm glad that Mario Alberti isn't coming back to Spidey.

When it comes to the Peter/MJ relationship, I expect to be taken for a ride, but this issue did not provide, except for an incredibly tasteless joke about Peter Parker and one night stands. This is not the stuff of a Spidey soap opera guys. While Waid does take the time to show us that MJ remembers Peter's secret. . .. . . the issue doesn't amount to much else. At the very best, this issue was serviceable. At the worst, it wasn't up to snuff for an issue of Amazing.

After the wonderful issue that was #600, color me disappointed.

Thunderbolts #134
by Andy Diggle and Miguel Sepulveda

Andy Diggle is really taking his time isn't he? The guy can write, but man, he takes up way too much space to tell one slice of information. It's really not cost-effective.

In this issue, Songbird tries to assemble the old Thunderbolts. Nice, if you've been keeping up the T-bolts for four years. I haven't. Also, there is a surprise plot-twist cliffhanger. That's kind of it to this issue.

I'm kind of waiting for something important to happen here, and a little disappointed at the pacing. Hopefully next ish doesn't do the same.

Also:

Suction cups? Seriously? I think it's pretty cool that Songbird can make "solid sound," but you are pushing the line here Mr. Sepulveda.

Suction cups?

TOMORROW: I review Keith Giffen's debut on DOOM PATROL! Was it a swing? Was it a miss? Was it maybe even a line drive? Will I use more baseball analogies?

Hang tight, true believers!

HOW SONGBIRD SPENT HER SUMMER: hangin' out with hobos!

Oh my! Is this the second week I'm not getting any weeklies? Geez. Oh well. At least this came in the mail today.

Thunderbolts #133
by Andy Diggle and Miguel Sepulveda

This issue had a totally rockin' cover, with Songbird rockin' her way and lunging at a two-gun-wielding Black Widow!
The inside didn't live up to the outside though. I guess it was bound to come, but this is one of those downtime issues, where the T-bolts don't have any missions to do at the moment. It's more like a build-up, explaining some character motivations, setting up some new mysteries (who's that guy in the mask?), and giving us a pretty furious cliffhanger (Nick Fury!).

All in all, when you get down to it, you can't have every issue be an extended fisticuff-explosion, so I'm really glad that Diggle uses this time instead to build up the tension between the T-Bolts. The great thing about these guys is that none of them like each other! And they're all jerks!


Next issue, I hope to see Songbird apply some of the lessons she learned as a hobo. She is probably the last vestige of the T-Bolts. . . when they were actually redeemable!

Thunderbolts #132

by Andy Diggle and Roberto De La Torre

If you haven't guessed already, I am through with my freshman year of university, and ready for summer! Let's get cozy with some comics now.

What I love about Thunderbolts is how cynical it is. I love how selfish and hateful and manipulative and just all-around-unfriendly these people are. And they still manage to succeed in their missions! It's wonderful.

Andy Diggle's Thunderbolts add a new member to the roster, and this guy is ridiculously manly.

HUAARRRGHH! All of a sudden I feel the urge to eat my weight's worth in hamburgers. Speaking of manly, Black Widow AKA Yelena Belova AKA the only female on Diggle's T-bolts, is drawn exceedingly butch in one panel by Roberto de la Torre:

Because ballet, of course, is an exceedingly butch activity.

All in all, this was a great issue. The T-Bolts set out to recruit Mr. X, a "connoiseur of killing," and they succeed with High-Octane Ballet Action.

There's a beautifully cynical twist at the height of the fight, that I did NOT see coming, and is why I read Thunderbolts. Best of ALL, though, this took one issue to tell. One issue! You don't see that very often; thank you Andy Diggle. Thank you so much.
Suffice to say, I am totally looking forward to next ish, which sees the return of Songbird -- possibly the only redeemable T-Bolts member.

Thunderbolts x Deadpool in: A BEHEADING

Who ever thought it'd be so fun to put a team of hateful people together and tell them to try to assassinate an insane, smart-mouthed mercenary with way too many gadgets on his hand?

Not me, that's for sure! That's why the crossover between Thunderbolts and Deadpool is so darn enjoyable. The plot twists are great, the black humor is great and the explosions are explosive. There's even a "romance" in it!

We can thank Daniel Way and Andy Diggle for all these, and we'll be wrapping up the last half of their "Magnum Opus" today!

Deadpool #9

by Daniel Way and Paco Medina
"Magnum Opus," 3 0f 4

This issue was pretty awesome. So many things happen here, but the best part is we get HILARIOUS flirtation between Black Widow and Deadpool. It is so great, 'pool even goes so far as to rent a plane and fly a banner that says "BW (heart) DP? CALL ###-####"

Rest assured, there's a big fight too, and the fight tactics are actually really interesting. This feels like a video game, but funnier and insane-er. Crossing over with Deadpool was a great way to introduce Andy Diggle's new team of Thunderbolts, and he is just the lightheartedness that the grim team needs!

I can't wait for the next, and last, part of the arc.

Thunderbolts #132

by Andy Diggle and Bong Dazo
"Magnum Opus," 4 of 4

This is a truly awful comic book with awful individuals.

And I mean that in the best sense of the word. Deadpool shoots himself, with terribly gory and hilarious results; Ant-Man crawls under 'Pool's cancerous skin; Norman Osborn even has an episode!
"You owe me your lives! Every worthless last one of you!" Oh Norman, you're so quotable.

The black humor is great, and it makes all the awful gore easier to swallow. The ending is like something from a sitcom, if sitcoms involved decapitation, and blood, and shooting yourself, and going berserk on a random guy and slamming his face onto a tabletop.
Oh Thunderbolts. You're such a great comic, even if you're desensitizing me to awful, awful things.

Deadpool x Thunderbolts in: Crazy? Crazy like BADGER!

Hopefully by now, my little past Thunderbolts posts have gotten you acquainted with the comic.

Yeah, those. What Thunderbolts is about is, well, a bunch of superheroes who really shouldn't be superhero-ing. They are a bad group of bad people, and it's pretty fun seeing the discordance between their roles and their actions, because these guys just hate each other.

And it makes for good comics! Recently, Stormin' Norman Osborn recruited a new group of 'bolts to take down and assassinate Deadpool, the merc with a mouth, for Secret Invasion purposes.

Deadpool #8
by Daniel Way and Paco Medina
"Magnum Opus" 1 of 4

Deadpool is insane, Osborn has insane tendencies, how can it not work!

Well, a lot of ways. The page space here is wasted with a pointless hallucination, and the story doesn't go anywhere. There are some good jokes in here, but it's just not worth 3 bucks.
Thankfully, the second part is a LOT better!

Thunderbolts #130
by Andy Diggle and Bong Dazo
"Magnum Opus" 2 of 4

New artist Bong Dazo has a cartoony, way of drawing anyone in a costume, which works here, because the entire point of the Deadpool-Thunderbolts crossover is to bring a little humor and fun to the grim Thunderbolts.

Here, they actually fight, 'bolts and 'pool and the result is great. There's a great plot twist in the middle, and Deadpool has an ingenious way of taking down each unique member (one is intangible, another is a tank, another is an ant. . .), and it can be pretty funny too!

Soon enough, he gets to the leader, Black Widow, or former Russian spy Yelena Belova. Just as he's about to shoot her in the head, she takes off her mask and says, "Well? what are you waiting for?"

It gets at the heart of the crossover: to bring a little humor to the Thunderbolts!

My favorite member of Andy Diggle's Thunderbolts has got to be Yelena. It's adorable how she butchers English phrases.

Oh Yelena.

I'm beginning to sense a theme here.

Heh.

They sure have a good time, those Thunderbolts. Even the pumpkin is smiling! From assorted issues of Thunderbolts, from Warren Ellis/Mike Deodato's run to Christos Gage/Fernando Blanco's.

The Thunderbolts: saving the world one masochistic headbutt a time!

I'm sure it occurs to a lot of people that comic books serve a lot of roles. Tt helps some people get by their day with a little fun. To others, it's a little thing to check out after watching a pretty good movie. For even more, it's a reason to make ridiculous blogs.

The most important, though, has got to be the educational value of comic books for children. I mean, come on guys! They're just words! With pictures! There is no doubt that comic books are this valuable, and if I may extrapolate, it also means that kids are gonna find their role models in these goshdarn sequential picture stories.

And truly, no comic book provides better role models than. . .

The Thunderbolts! Government-sanctioned heroes come to save our world!
Here're only some of the ways they keep America safe:

They're mentally stable!

They're courageous!

They respect one another!

They get tasteful action figures!

They crucify their teammates!

They're eloquent!

And finally, what really matters, what keeps us safe at night --

they're committed to justice!

We can all sleep a little quieter now, knowing that the Thunderbolts are here to protect us!

Don't worry guys; America's kids are in great hands.

Venom, you gotta go on a diet.

Comic book fans, curious as they are, always seek answers in their comic books. Answers to questions like: What is the nature of reality? What is our purpose in life? What does it mean to be a hero? How much is that doggy in the window (arf, arf)? The one with the waggley tail (arf, arf)? And probably most importantly,

Why is Venom so huge?

Look at him!

He's huge!

And well, call me presumptuous, but I think I have a pretty good idea here. It comes from his diet of people.

Whether it's people who are skeletons. . .

. . . people who are superheroes. . .

. . . people who are security guards. . .

. . . people who are gods. . .

. . . or people who are skrulls!

Makes enough sense right? Feel free to check me on my facts. I think you'll find they're pretty sound.

Collected from assorted issues of Thunderbolts, from Warren Ellis/Mike Deodato's run, to Christos Gage/Fernando Blanco's.

The Thunderbolts: saving the world one security guard at a time!

I'm sure it occurs to a lot of people that comic books serve a lot of roles. They help some people get through their day with a little fun. To others, it's a little thing to check out after watching a pretty good movie. For even more, it's a reason to make ridiculous blogs.

The most important, though, has got to be the educational value of comic books for children. I mean, come on guys! They're just words! With pictures! There is no doubt that comic books are this valuable, and if I may extrapolate, it also means that kids are gonna find their role models in these goshdarn sequential picture stories.

And truly, no comic book provides better role models than. . .

The Thunderbolts! Government-sanctioned heroes come to save our world!
Here're only some of the ways they inspire America's youth:

They know how to introduce themselves!

They scare security guards!

They kill security guards!

They're compassionate!

They also eat security guards!

They're eloquent!

And probably the best of all: they drink and smoke -- at the same time!

Truly, America's children are in a better place because of these sterling superheroes. God bless the Thunderbolts!

From assorted issues of Thunderbolts, and one of Deadpool too.