Batman: The Return of Bruce Wayne #'s 4-6

There was a war -- and evil won! Darkseid struck Batman with the Omega Effect, hurtling him through the beginning of space and time! Now it's up to Bruce Wayne to fight his way back home!

Batman: The Return of Bruce Wayne is Grant Morrison's epic of how Bruce Wayne died and came back. It's the story of Bruce Wayne's struggle for identity when Batman is stripped away from him. Morrison uses the six issues to throw Bruce Wayne in a western setting, a hard-boiled noir setting and a puritan setting, among others. Each issue defines Bruce Wayne in a way that is essential to his identity as Batman. Today we're going to examine the last half: Issues 4 to 6. You can find the first half here.

Batman: The Return of Bruce Wayne #4

by Grant Morrison and Georges Jeanty

The first four pages serve as a small prologue to the issue: after seeing her entire family murdered by the operations of one crime boss Vandal Savage, a mother prays for God's darkest, truest angel of retribution -- enter the Lone Bat Star:

Unfortunately, the issue derails itself from there. There's incomprehensible talk of Savage hiring Jonah Hex to gun down this weird bat dude, but then it turns out Savage is also in cahoots with one Thomas Wayne. Here's a snippet of his dialogue:

Yes, the bells of BARBATOS, THAT'S IT!

And all those STATUES! And PAINTINGS! DARIUS and MAD TONY, the HEROES of the REVOLUTION!

I stood in the circle with JEFFERSON and when we raised batwinged BARBATOS and drank the STARRY VENOM!

The box is MINE.

It's probably supposed to be incomprehensible, because T. Wayne is one crazy guy, but there's a particular amount of drama placed on the box, and there's just zero clues as to what the box does. Bruce goes so far as to save the Wayne family, the current holder of the box, and that's the dramatic arc of the issue. Morrison's referred to the crazy rituals of Thomas Wayne before (or concurrently, if you're reading these by publish date), and it was just as incomprehensible then.

Later, the last few pages are devoted to a hasty epilogue which turns out to be the origin of Wayne Manor. Whoop-de-doo, but these one-off origins have grown tiring in the light of confusing storylines.

Batman: The Return of Bruce Wayne #5

by Grant Morrison and Ryan Sook

For his troubles, Bruce gets shot by Jonah Hex to wake up in a hard-boiled Gotham City hospital! The art here is a knock-out from Ryan Sook, and I enjoyed it much more than last issue. The very first panel acts as a thesis statement: Red Robin says that "being marooned in the past with no memory of himself is just one more problem for Bruce to solve." Batman is a detective, and he hounds logic and sense to its single conclusion. He's always asking questions to learn more and to solve the murder of this one dame's friend, Martha Wayne. He plays the hard-boiled detective well, and Morrison nails the outrageous metaphors and deadpan humor in the dialogue:

Lady, I have a bruised LUNG and the X-RAYS to PROVE it. This is what it must be like trying to breathe on JUPITER.

Cigarettes are PACKED full of vitamins and give children PEP, sweetheart, haven't you heard the LATEST from the A.M.A.?

And later:

. . .so. . . I think you should talk to Martha's MOTHER.

In your capacity as a DETECTIVE, of course.

The delight of seeing Bruce Wayne as a hard-boiled detective ends around the point where there's an artist change. There's a plot twist, and the dame in distress turns out to be more than a dame in distress. For some odd reason it's a Mother Box from out of nowhere that saves Bruce and seemingly catapults him to the modern time.

Batman: The Return of Bruce Wayne #6

by Grant Morrison and Lee Garbett

Let me just say that the change in colors and the pencilling lines were a great choice for Bruce's transition to a superhero-dominated comic book issue. It looks great for the issue and evokes the square jaws and broad shoulders of an Oliver Coipel. I'll badmouth the comprehensibility of the script as I will, but DC made some smart choices with the art.

I suppose that the writing still deserves some commentary. Bruce Wayne is converted by the archivists at the Vanishing Point, the library of all history before the end of time. It turns out that Darkseid never meant to kill Batman -- just send him back to time so that, when he does return to his own time, hes built up so much "Omega Energy" that it'll lead to the end-all. Sure. This is a comic book, after all.

The Justice League throws all of its superheroes at Bruce, including the other superteams, and fails. There's another plot twist in that Batman planned for all this to happen, and somehow they negate the Omega Energy. Fine. Let's just get this story over with. After that scene there are flashbacks, symbolic and otherwise to key moments in the birth of Batman, and then Batman comes back to life, because "Gotham City needs Batman."

It's just not worth trying to decipher the pages. There are words, there are pictures, there's even symbolism and whatnot, but there just isn't some kind of a story. It's Grant Morrison throwing a bunch of ideas at your face and figuring something will be so over your head that you'll be impressed. And the thing is, he could have done more, easily, with these stories. And I don't mean added more plot, or more words, or script. He could've made legitimate stories off of these insane ideas, instead of making a dozen references to other plotlines from the future, or the past, or some other. He could've made them comprehensible.

Batman as a swashbuckler? A caveman? A hard-boiled dick? Who wouldn't want to read that, they're exciting genres to graft a classic comics character on. Taken individually, sure, a few of these pages count as stories, in a flash of brilliance, but it's just brain-busting to try to consider them as a whole. You get lost in the mire. I'm sure he has enough clout in the industry to do this, but it's not going to expand the readership. It's just not a good reading experience. This isn't accessible at all, and it fails as a complete story.

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Batman: The Return of Bruce Wayne #'s 1-3

There was a war -- and evil won! Darkseid struck Batman with the Omega Effect, hurtling him through the beginning of space and time! Now it's up to Bruce Wayne to fight his way back home!

Batman: The Return of Bruce Wayne is Grant Morrison's epic of how Bruce Wayne died and came back. It's the story of Bruce Wayne's struggle for identity when Batman is stripped away from him. Morrison uses the six issues to throw Bruce Wayne in a western setting, a hard-boiled noir setting and a puritan setting, among others. Each issue defines Bruce Wayne in a way that is essential to his identity as Batman. Today we're going to examine the first half: Issues 1 to 3.

Batman: The Return of Bruce Wayne #1

by Grant Morrison and Chris Sprouse

Of these six issues, the first is the strongest. It's an oversized issue that throws Bruce Wayne in a neanderthalic era. Due to the Omega Effect, his memory isn't completely with him, and when he tries communicating, the words come out as jumbled to the tribe he meets. The tribe holds a man called "man" whose son is called "boy:" here, everyone is boiled down to their essential identities, a reference to Bruce's need to find his own.

When the neighboring tribe attacks this tribe, Man gets killed, and Bruce Wayne is kidnapped, to be eaten for the next day. It's in this moment of crisis that Bruce discovers it. There are no words, but we know. We know when Bruce takes the carcass of a giant bat and wears it. It's this triumphant moment that tells us what Bruce is: he is a survivor, and he is a savior. With the help of his grappling hook, Bruce escapes and saves Boy. The two of them escape the tribe by jumping off a waterfall.

BONUS ORIGIN:

The leader of the invading tribe was Vandal Savage, the immortal man, scourge of the JSA! When Bruce disgraces him by defeating him in combat, Savage flees from the tribe and swears a revenge that would endure time itself! This in turn is a reference to the Batman himself. Bruce Wayne is a man, but Batman is an idea that endures time, literally epitomized in future issues and in Bruce Wayne's journey through time.

Chris Sprouse's clean lines and clear layouts are an effective way to tell Morrison's script. It's not a story about a cape or a costume: it's a story about men, and the issue in question is a story about shirtless man named Bruce Wayne.

Batman: The Return of Bruce Wayne #2

by Grant Morrison and Frazer Irving

When Bruce Wayne emerges from the waterfall, he awakes to Puritan-era Gotham! It's a small village that's prone to the occasional witch scare. Despite using small clues and logic to discover the murderer of a man, the villagers accuse the murderer of being a witch! He pleads with them, but fails to convince.


Here's another definition of Bruce Wayne that's essential to Batman. Not only is he a survivor and a savior, he's a detective. He follows logic, relentlessly to a single conclusion. Although the people may not agree with him, he realizes that the system doesn't always work and accepts it.
 

BONUS ORIGIN:

When the witch is being burned at the stake, she utters one last curse: on the village leader's lineage, and on Gotham itself! This is directly parallel to Vandal Savage's promise, and just as enduring.

Batman: The Return of Bruce Wayne #3
by Grant Morrison and Yanick Paquette

Bruce Wayne is thrown forwards in time again. He wakes up in a shipwreck as Blackbeard's hostage; the legendary pirate is convinced that he's the fabled Black Pirate (he isn't). Blackbeard forces Bruce to lead him to the cave of the Miagani, the "Bat people."

The theme of this issue is fear: fear and superstition. Blackbeard urges his crew to set the tips of his hair on fire, "to scare off any ghost or injun" while in the cave of the Miagani. This provides a direct contrast to Bruce who, when taking them through a hall of bat droppings, tells the men to burn out their torches and hold their breathes, for fear of the methane and explosion. Batman is a force of logic, but he has no qualms about using someone's superstitions against them (see above).

That'll be it for me today! Who would think that talking about Batman would have tired me out? Come back next week for the conclusion of my reading of Batman: The Return of Bruce Wayne. The latter half trails off into incomprehensibility, but I'll try to think it out for you. For America.

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Cover to Cover: Superman/Batman #'s 50, et al.

Welcome back to our look at the Superman/Batman series. ComiXology had a sale on the title a while ago, and I bought into many, many issues. We conclude the series with issues 50, 60-61, 63, 75 and 79-80. Here's the first part: #'s 20-25, 37-42
the second: #'s 44-49

Superman/Batman #50
"The Fathers"
By Green, Johnson et al.

The Justice League rebuilds Smallville from the ground up when Superman and Batman discover an old Kryptonian relic! The relic flashes them back to the times of Thomas Wayne and Jor-El, who meet each other due to Jor-El's probe. Jor-El asks Thomas Wayne if Earth would be a good place to send his son, and the two have a dialogue together.

It's a great sentiment to think that Thomas Wayne and Jor-El met before they died. That's what comic books are for after all, to imagine the unlikely. I'm glad I didn't pay 3.99 for this comic, but I'm glad that I did pay .99 cents for it.



Superman/Batman # 60-61
"Mash-Up"
by Green, Johnson and Manapul

This one is just wacky you guys. Superman and Batman wake up in a world where everything's mashed up -- the JUSTICE TITANS consists of Aquaborg, Night Lantern, Star Canary and Donna Wonder, among others.

.

They figure out that it's Doctor Destiny attempting to place everyone in a dream state and controlling that dream world. With the help of the dream versions of Zatanna and Raven, they emerge from it free.

Obligatory shirtless Bruce Wayne:

It's a wholly standard comic book, but I got a lot of jollies from seeing all the mash-ups.

Superman/Batman #63
"Night and Day"
by Green, Johnson and Albuquerque

Oh man you guys. I should've gotten this issue when it came out. Every time Albuquerque gets on this title it's a hit. In #62 he pencilled Supergirl and Robin taking on Arkham Asylum, and in this issue he imagines a dystopia in which Gorilla Grodd controls the world! After murdering all the other heroes and creating an atmosphere of synthetic Kryptonite on Earth, Batman is the only remaining super hero.

The emotions are so intense, Batman has never been grimmer! By the end, Grodd is about to have a public execution for Batman -- but at the very last moment, Superman returns, because Batman found the antidote for the synthetic Krypton! Together, the two subdue Grodd and re-inspire the people to think freely. It's an amazing one-shot and an amazing comic book.

On the last page we find out that this is just one of many simulations that Batman performs, preparing for every possibility and eventuality. This is what Batman does in his spare time.

Superman/Batman #75
by lots and lots of people

This one's an anthology book! The main story features the Legion of superheroes, which has its moments, but doesn't really appeal to me. The rest of the comic is two-page stories from a slew of creators!

Brian Azzarello and Lee Bermejo take on Lex and Joker with a Calvin & Hobbes jive!

Duncan Rouleau sizes up Krypto the Superdog against Ace the Bathound!

This one made me really happy to see. Green and Johnson, with Albuquerque, follow up on their story from issues #51 and 52. It turns out lil' Superman didn't die! He's only sleeping!

What a delightful comic book.


Superman/Batman #79-80
"World's Finest"
by Chris Roberson and Jesus Merino

So Epoch, this time-travel-dude goes back to the 1970s in order to conquer Earth and whatnot. He encases Superman and Batman in an "omega barrier," which is like a black hole in a cube, and so the two must stop him! It's a great comic book that really plays up the pseudo-science of the silver age and mixes it up with actual science. I love how Batman matter-of-factly assumes that Robin would know about Hawking Radiation.

Chris Sims has a wonderful write-up on the metafictional aspects of this story. In his attempts to control the world, Epoch always returns to a past era of the comic books -- for a man with so much knowledge and technology, he could go anywhere he wanted, but he stays stuck in this one mindset and refuses to accept other possibilities.

It's a comic that glorifies the stories of the past, but, at the same time, hopes for the stories of the future.

Cover to Cover: Superman/Batman #'s 44-49, "The Search for Kryptonite"

We're continuing our look at Superman/Batman. Started by Jeph Loeb in 2003, the title lasted for a whopping 87 issues and 4 annuals until it was closed to make way for the New 52 in August 2011.
Here is part 1: #20-25, 38-42
Today we examine issues 44-49.


Superman/Batman #44-49
"The Search for Kryptonite"
by Michael Green, Mike Johnson and Shane Davis

Sometimes I'll read through a trade paperback and, in my reading, I realize that the creative team put so much effort as to make each issue its own self-contained story, while contributing to the overall story. I'll stop in the middle and I'll say, "Dang. I should've picked this up in serials."

"The Search for Kryptonite" is one of those stories. After getting buffeted by Kryptonite shards from a movie set, Superman realizes that it's way too easy to get ahold of Kryptonite on Earth. He asks Batman to help him scour the globe for the ore, and Batman agrees!

It turns out there's a lot more Kryptonite on Earth than they expected, and they find a HUGE fragment in the sea, lorded over by a young Aquaman. He argues that the sea is no one's spoils and that he's tired of the surface world doing what they please with it. It really gets to the politics of Superman: What gives him the right to remove his one weakness on Earth? What gives him the right to plunder the entire planet of one resource?

The next issue (46) features silver Kryptonite, found in a bar for magicians, which has. . . strange effects on Superman.

 It's also a meditation on science vs. magic, skepticism vs. illogic, represented by Batman's dialogues with Zatanna. The two end up going to a remote island in order to retrieve the silver K's counterpart and bring Superman back to reality. The natives there tell them that a human must retrieve it and so we have shirtless Batman entering the mouth of a volcano to get a rock for his friend.

You're welcome. The scene shows Bruce Wayne, this man of logic wearing the totem of a flying rat. It doesn't make sense at all! But this is what he does. He'll stop at nothing to fight crime, and he'll stop at nothing to save his friend. I love it.

The search continues when they find that Lexcorp itself is pioneering Kryptonite-powered technology. Superman and Batman investigate a research facility in Kansas that's harvesting the ore, and are attacked by a government-sanctioned strike team designed specifically to take down Superman.

It explores the nature between the American government and its Superman, an altogether realistic take that I haven't found anywhere else in the DC canon. The writing is very thoughtful and makes up for the whelming art from Davis. This issue shows a brilliant panel from Superman though:

The fifth issue (48) introduces a Kryptonite-powered Doomsday. You heard me, a Kryptonite-powered Doomsday. Superman and he brawl it out in Kansas, but it's not just a fight-fest. The writing takes you into Superman's head, the memories of his childhood in Smallville. There's some incredible narration about names -- the memories we have of our names, and the feelings attached to them. We find out that the Doomsday was an American boy who wanted to serve his country, and Batman brings an end to the fight:

The way the Doomsday struggles to say "Mom" and "Dad" is heartbreaking. The end of the issue depicts one last page on names. It's brilliant. The writing manages to capture the parallel thought processes between Superman and Batman, that Loeb established in the first arcs, but it surpasses any story that Loeb has written.

The final issue has Superman confront the C.E.O. of Lexcorp, Lana Lang, his childhood friend. It depicts her moral dilemma in handing over her mining locations to Superman -- because if she does, millions will be out of a job. She refuses Superman and vaporizes all Kryptonite on Earth, creating an atmosphere that makes the planet uninhabitable for all Super-people and dogs!

The issue is taken care of by the Toyman, and Superman ends up throwing the rest of the Kryptonite into the Sun -- except for one piece, which Superman entrusts to Batman. This makes for a brilliant ending:

Batman has his own depository of Kryptonite, as well as every single color of K there's ever been! In the six issues, Superman's been betrayed by his government, his childhood friend and even other superheroes. For all the betrayal, he still places his faith in the world and in his friend. Unfortunately, Batman fails to return the same faith -- because he can't! If anything should go wrong with Superman, someone has to be ready, and of course it'd be Batman. It's a tragic reality that he has to face in this superhero world. I found the arc to be overall brilliant, and it comes highly recommended -- no other story legitimizes the Superman/Batman title better than this.

Tune in next Friday for our last look at the title.

Cover to Cover: Superman/Batman #'s 20-25, 37-42

So there was a Superman/Batman sale over at ComiXology a month or so ago. I bought into it and picked up quite a few issues, based on the artists I liked: like Ed McGuinness or Dustin Nguyen. Since scans are as easy as hitting "prtsc" and then cropping the image, I've loaded up an unholy amount of scans for you. Here's the first third of what I read:

Superman/Batman #20-25
"With a Vengeance!" 
by Jeph Loeb and Ed McGuinness 

Have you ever played racquetball? You whack a ball in a room such that it bounces so fast, and so hard that your opponent can't return it. After reading through Loeb's story, I now know what the racquetball feels like. In the 6 issues, he bounces you everywhere, juggling the stories of Superman/Batman, the Maximums (an Ultimates knock-off team), Batzarro/Bizarro and the Joker/Mxyzptlk. It's crazy!

He throws all kinds of scenes at the reader, and while some of it will miss, you'll find something that's a hit. The Maximums accuse Superman/Batman of murdering one of their own, and it's up to the World's Finest to defend against their charges! Along the way they meet Red Son Superman, Batman Beyond Batman, Superwoman/Batwoman, Zebra Batman, Mullet Superman holy moly how many of these guys can they fit in here. There's so much going on, it helps to just turn your brain off and look at the art.

There's this great scene when Superman and Batman use a boom tube to get to the Maximums' world. Superman runs into a scene where Spider-Man "Bug" is witnessing Gwen his girl get thrown off the bridge:

It's a nice jab that highlights the difference between DC and Marvel. Superman's line, "Where I come from, it's what we do." just kills me. A good deal of the developments are magic'ed out of continuity in issue 25, and the main point of the arc seems to be to bring Darkseid back to the DCU in preparation for Final Crisis. The arc wouldn't have worked without McGuinness to pull off all the crazy ideas.


Superman/Batman #37-42
"Torment"
by Alan Burnett and Dustin Nguyen

This story's about the New Gods, which is unfortunate, because I don't really care about them. Darkseid manipulates a few people including the Scarecrow and Superman in order to restore his power. Batman tracks them down to Tartarus in order to save Superman and then has sex with Bekka, a New God.

Dustin draws a knockout Bekka and a great Batman. Burnett writes Batman as this tragic figure who won't let love into his life, and it rings true even as he gets it on with Bekka. Superman doesn't serve more purpose here than a prop, which is one weakness in the arc. I honestly feel it didn't need 6 issues to tell.

Here is some nude Bruce Wayne, because this will get me some hits from google images:

Here's a non-nude image of Batman I like. Just look at that cape!

NEXT TIME: Superman/Batman #'s 44-49, "The Search for Kryptonite"

Where were YOU the day Johnny Storm died?

That's right folks; this week saw the death of the next Fantastic Four. How long it sticks, only Marvel knows. Did you get a chance to read the issue? If you have any thoughts, feel free to tell me about it.

ITEM! Free Comic Book day's released their Gold titles. Check it out here. Then come back here and check out my Wednesday haul.

I got two sequential art books today. One was 3.99, and the other was 3.50. Pleasingly, neither had any advertisements.

Amazing Spider-Man #648

by Dan Slott and Humberto Ramos

This issue marks the debut of Dan Slott's solo captaining of the Spidey ship. And from the 39 pages, it sounds like he's charted a course. Spidey saves the day from Doc Ock (the new maniacal one from #600) and his new Sinister Six, and the following pages are a tour of Peter's new status quo: a new job in a laboratory, a new place and a bunch of new (and old) enemies with new schemes.

The thing is mostly set-up, but it's pretty smart. Slott has a wealth of things to tell; now he just has to tell them. My favorite part is how well Slott knows the Spidey stories, and how he'll bring 'em up, like when Peter calls Randy Robertson about asking to room again. Randy brings up a certain piece of cheese, rejecting Peter. There's this great sequence where Peter's quizzed by the lab workers, and all his answers are from his struggles against supervillains.
The second one's from the Paper Doll arc, and I'm assuming the first and third are pretty generic enough to be Spidey-knowledge. Peter gets a new job, and his path there is built by his past adventures. I think this describes the issue as a whole. #648 moves Peter forward while evoking his past stories. As a spider-fan, I can't think of a better way to start a run.

#652's already been released, and the arc starting with #648 is concluded, but I'm gonna try to buy each issue week by week, provided the shop has 'em.

Because I'm a tease like that.

Usagi Yojimbo #134

by Stan Sakai

You guys know my love for talking animals (check out We3, or Howard the Duck). When I was a kid, I remembered seeing Usagi Yojimbo on an episode of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, so I figured I'd reach to a non-big 2 book.

I was lucky enough to run into this stand-alone story. Usagi runs into the fox, Kitsune, selling toad oil, which is rumored to cure any wound. Shenanigans ensue! It's a small story about a cunning fox who's out to grab her fair share. I plan on reading more.

In lieu of scans, a super-sweet 6-page preview. Have a great weekend.

The menacing premiere of: the lil lizzies!

A new week means new comics! And what a week it is, bringing the return of Gail Simone with the Birds of Prey. It seems like only yesterday that Zinda Blake, Lady Blackhawk was showing us how to call a cab, and today she's showing us how to shoot terrorist kidnappers in Greenland.

Birds of Prey #1
by Gail Simone and Ed Benes


Gail writes the birds as they were meant to be written: head-on in the 11th gear, kickin' ass and makin' jokes. It's the perfect mix of action and humor that keeps me on my seat, and dude, in the middle of the issue, Huntress takes out a goon and then throws him at his pals approaching on motorcycles. Hardcore:

Which isn't to say that BoP was just an adrenalfest. The core birds, Oracle, Canary and Huntress have to deal with a mystery dude who apparently has files on all superheroes: where Oracle's dad goes to walk every morning, the addresses of every student that Huntress has ever taught in school. They ruminate over this before they're attacked by "the White Canary."

And that's not even the half of it! Gail for sure is making her money's worth, introducing Hawk -recently brought back from the dead in Blackest Night- and Dove, hinting at some character conflict there. With how they're working off the past, and bringing in new characters, I couldn't be happier that I got this big 'ol issue number one. It reads like a dream.

Amazing Spider-Man #631

by Zeb Wells and Chris Bachalo with fill-in pencilling by Emma Rios

Part number dos for "Shed," covering the return of the demon inside Curts Connors, THE LIZARD! It reads like every other return the Lizard's made, but with one exception: the stylish scribblings from Chris Bachalo. He is for sure an acquired taste; I disliked it at first, saying he made characters look way younger than they ought to, but it works, especially in the half-jokey, half-serious tone that overtakes Peter Parker and Spidey stories. Here, Bachalo blows the Lizard up as a giant bipedal croc with arms. I think he overdoes some panels of Lizzy's face, but check this out:

Yeah! That is one visceral, raw picture! I love it. I don't know if it was Zeb's idea, or Chris's, but they also introduce Lizzy's little iguana minions, "lil lizzies," who look totally menacing and adorable at the same time. Check it out, he's on top of the Lizard! Absolutely adorable.

AW YEAH LIZZY AND PALS!

Anyways, near the end of the issue, I think the Lizard eats his son, Billy Connors, who's been a plot point and a vestige of the Lizard's humanity ever since. . . Stan's run on Spidey, uh, thirty years ago. It's pretty ambiguous, but they seem to imply it with a really vague two-page spread that zooms in on the Liard's scales, then on the debris flying in the street. I definitely find it hard to swallow, so we'll just have to wait and see. All in all, the issue as a whole felt rushed and read too quickly. It doesn't help that Emma Rios pencils in some scenes, making the issue feel disjointed, and that she'll be doing some of next ish too.

Not as strong an issue as part one, but I think the Lizard's teeth have hooked me on this story. Bachalo's art is worth it, so I'll be finishing the arc.

Cover to Cover: Hook me up with a plane ticket to Slovakia

New year means new banner! Swing up top and check it out. It's a panel from some issue of Peter Parker: Spider-Man. New year also means tons of new comics news, so let's go over what's already happened in. . . 13 days of January!

The Birds are back! Hawkaaaaa! Us here at the blog - me - have a longtime affection for the title, especially riproarin' pilot Zinda Blake.

Marvel pwns DC. I am really impressed at Marvel's strategy here. Previously, I figured DC's marketing for the Blackest Night rings was brilliant, because it was a great way to sell some stragglers on the top 100 charts, but Marvel's offer 1-ups them! I think it's completely appropriate in a capitalist society like America, and I think it'd be amazing if it really did work out.

It really is an exciting year to be in comics. Let's look at what I got this week.

Bloodrayne: Revenge of the Butcheress

by Chad Lambert and David Miller

Every time I pick up a Bloodrayne comic, I feel the need to get the video game. For this one-shot, I really should have, because it draws on a lot of plot points there! The first few pages have no context and are hard to get into. Within panels, Rayne gets a random urge to go to Slovakia! It eventually turns out to be a quest for her memories, an infiltration into a former Nazi base, and then a confrontation with a busty surgeon who totally bathes in the blood of virgins and wields hacksaws made of bone.

Video games and comic books have moments where they crash into each other to make a perfect skidmark of insanity. Bloodrayne is that skidmark. It's just a shame that the artwork is awful. David Miller is another one of those dudes who was way too influenced by Marc Silvestri, and does his own inking. The result is a messy, over-drawn affair. The coloring needs work too, since the only reason I knew about the bone hacksaw was that the commentary said so.

Ultimately, in Slovakia, Rayne is shaken into her darker self, "Darkrayne," blows up the Nazi base, and a horde of zombie Nazi bodies is seen thummp!ing from the sky into the forest. That is the purest definition of a comic book right there guys.

The Amazing Spider-Man #617

by Joe Kelly and Max Fiumara

Wow. The story is centered around a reformed Rhino, Aleksei Sytsevich, trying to earn an honest living after prison. Add Norah Winters, ace reporter and her photo monkey, Peter Parker, then a Rhino 2.0 out to kill Aleksei, and drama ensues! This is the kinda stuff I read Spidey for. The emotional hits from Kelly are strong, and the action is big. Dude freakin' busts a horse open on Aleksei's head.

Even better, I can't stop looking at the art. Inking is thick when it needs to be and thin when it should. I'm typaing andd it's ahard fori me to just look away! There is no misplaced line, no stroke without purpose! Fiumara does a great job of capturing Aleksei's solemnness. There's a sense of tragedy to this guy now. He's found love, and all he wants is to live his life in peace!

The action scenes are just as impressive. His anatomy is wild and crazy and fresh and just what Spidey needs. Each panel is so kinetic and paced excellently with the dialogue, that reading through them is a breeze. Kelly brings a lot of heart and humor to Aleksei and Peter Parker and makes it fresh. The only problem with the issue is that it ends. I don't want it to end. I wanna see Spidey kick Rhino 2.0's butt right now. I wanna see Aleksei happy right now. This issue is definitely a high point in the New Day stuff. This issue made me remember why I read weekly comics. Wednesday can't come soon enough!

So if you'll excuse me, I think I'll take my leave now. I need to go to Slovakia.

Gotham City Sirens is filmed before a live studio audience. Hey look! There's Power Girl's cat.

This week I did not get any comics, but you know what? I got some last week and the week before that, so let's not leave them all by their lonesome.

Power Girl #5

by Jimmy Palmiotti, Justin Gray and Amanda Conner

I have been hanging on to this title since issue 1, if you're curious. It's a nice title and all, and it's pretty fun too, but it's just so hard not to see Power Girl as another one of DC's generic super-heroes. Even when you add way hot alien party girls to the scene, Power Girl is pretty generic. So much of her dialogue is just a simple grunting word!

Although I totally dig that Palmiotti and Gray make an in-story reason to showcase Power Girl's sexy, sexy legs (20% more hits, here I come!).

Despite the title, this comic isn't about Power Girl or her boobs. It isn't even about the perv who's totally stalking Pee-Gee. Not really. It's about funny sight gags, and goofy jokes here and there, with Power Girl on the side. As always though, Amanda Conner totally rocks the title with wonderful expressions, with that "Whoa." panel up top, for example.

Anyways, Power Girl as a title: it's not great, it's not good, but it's fun-er than your average DC comic book.

Gotham City Sirens #4

by Paul Dini and Guillem March

Surprisingly, this comic contains more than just Catwoman's boobs or Poison Ivy's butt. It also contains Harley Quinn's legs. It also contains an actual story with some pretty sweet art. The inking has really stepped up since issue 1; it's a lot tighter with more detail. March has kinda toned down the cheesecakiness of his pencils, yet he's retained Poison Ivy's "I don't need gravity." hair, and does some great facial expressions, especially with Joker. It's the best of both worlds!

So yeah: Harley hooks up with Hush, who's masquerading around Gotham as Bruce Wayne, which pisses off Joker. Naturally, both of them try to kill her. It's like some weird sitcom love triangle! Oh that Harley. What will she get into next?

I expected Joker to get a bigger, you know, fanfare in returning to a Bat-title, but no such luck. He's treated a lot here like the 1960's Cesar Romero "I'm gonna wreak may-ay-ayhem in Gotham and you can't stop me!" Whatever.

All in all, a fairly entertaining issue which gets me excited for the next one. You couldn't ask for more.

Because YOU demanded it!

This is it! You asked for it on day one, then howled for it a day after! But I wasn't gonna show my hand! I was a tight-lipped, teasing Tina!

But enough is enough! Something's gotta give, and that something is me! I gotta give the people what they want, and what they want is

A Clark Bar
by Necco©

The packaging is red, white and navy blue. Can't go wrong with those colors. There's a big bad CLARK that dominates the bar, and really, would we have it any other way? The packaging tells you all you need to know, and nothing else: the company, the candy and the net weight. So really, this is a candy that doesn't need any flash to sell itself! It absolutely screams "I am made from a company that is over two centuries old."

There's a label underneath the "Clark" that says, "Chocolatey Coated Peanut Butter Crunch," and boy, they aren't lying! The chocolatey coating reels you in, but the peanut butter crunch is the main attraction! It's not really a crunch like a wafer (Twix), but more like the crunch that comes with crystallized sugar (Butterfinger). It packs a lot of kick in it, and you might bite your tongue without even knowing!

So, when all is said and done, and eaten, where does the inexorable Clark Bar fit into today's world candy equation? I wouldn't say it's your average family household candy bar, like, say a Twix or a Crunch. Nah, it's a little too crunchy for that, a little too wild, even after two centuries. A Clark Bar isn't the kind of girl you go out with to the drive-in for a good old flick and snacks at the lobby. No, you go out to the drive-ins with a Clark Bar to totally mack out with.

The Clark Bar

Fine Candy Since 1847!