Because YOU demanded it!

This is it! You asked for it on day one, then howled for it a day after! But I wasn't gonna show my hand! I was a tight-lipped, teasing Tina!

But enough is enough! Something's gotta give, and that something is me! I gotta give the people what they want, and what they want is

A Clark Bar
by Necco©

The packaging is red, white and navy blue. Can't go wrong with those colors. There's a big bad CLARK that dominates the bar, and really, would we have it any other way? The packaging tells you all you need to know, and nothing else: the company, the candy and the net weight. So really, this is a candy that doesn't need any flash to sell itself! It absolutely screams "I am made from a company that is over two centuries old."

There's a label underneath the "Clark" that says, "Chocolatey Coated Peanut Butter Crunch," and boy, they aren't lying! The chocolatey coating reels you in, but the peanut butter crunch is the main attraction! It's not really a crunch like a wafer (Twix), but more like the crunch that comes with crystallized sugar (Butterfinger). It packs a lot of kick in it, and you might bite your tongue without even knowing!

So, when all is said and done, and eaten, where does the inexorable Clark Bar fit into today's world candy equation? I wouldn't say it's your average family household candy bar, like, say a Twix or a Crunch. Nah, it's a little too crunchy for that, a little too wild, even after two centuries. A Clark Bar isn't the kind of girl you go out with to the drive-in for a good old flick and snacks at the lobby. No, you go out to the drive-ins with a Clark Bar to totally mack out with.

The Clark Bar

Fine Candy Since 1847!

Serials for 9-16: Vampirella and Thunderbolts

Hah! How long has it been since a weekly review? I haven't even bought any new weeklies in a while, partly because everything costs too much, and partly because I've been tourist-ing for a while.

I missed the second issue of Doom Patrol when it came out, as well the fourth issue of Gotham City Sirens, and you know what? I'm not really all that worse for missing out on them. Doom Patrol's been getting one-upped by its back-up feature, and Sirens #4 was a filler issue anyways!

That's why I didn't get those at all this week. I got some other stuff, like

Vampirella: Second Coming #1

by Phil Hester and Daniel Sampere

It takes a lot of guts to make an issue $1.99, especially if you're an indy publisher, so I think that kinda risk deserves a chance. I picked up the first issue of the four-issue mini, and it's not half bad. Vampirella the character is revamped into Vampirella the urban myth.

Naturally, a host of demons plan on opening a gate to hell, and it's up to Vampirella and the gang to stop them! Literally, the one thing new about the story is how the humans frame it. The woman up top is a women's social worker "marked" by Vampirella ten years ago, and her husband is an architect taken over by demons so that he can open the gates to hell. I smell a clash of the sexes!

I've never read a Vampi comic before, but it's pretty hilarious that Vampirella, this huge sex symbol, is finding herself in this one character who's a women's social worker. I was a little amused that they made the cheesecake in-story -- Vampi dresses up as a librarian and "marks" the social worker in the Georgetown Law Library! Pretty clever, guys. I also like that demons can possess you by feeding you cooked bits of your fellow human. That is insane.

Okay dude. You know something's up when your contractor has a weird growth on the side of his neck, glowing green eyes and blue flesh. Come on, guy.

Thunderbolts #135

by Andy Diggle and Miguel Sepulveda

The story itself is standard Andy Diggle: make a few twists, a double-cross and an action scene! It's exciting and all, but there are some action scenes that are way too fanboy-ish (stopping bullets by spinning your sword really quickly? This is not a video game.), and, at times, legs look like they're in the middle of yoga when they really look like they should be kicking.

At the end of the issue, Norman Osborn shoots Nick Fury in the head???? Three times???? Then they tell you to check out Secret Warriors #8 "for another perspective"????? Forget that. To be honest, the only part that really brought this issue to standard was Black Widow's hair.

It's so pretty!

Surely you know, a Phoenix is reborn -- only to be reborn again!

Just in case you wanted to know, I had a great time on the West Coast. I spent a great deal of it touring the University of California in Berkeley, and doing general tourist-y things.

I figured it'd be a pretty good way to get back to the blog by following up on the sequel to Phoenix: Endsong! So here's

X-Men: Phoenix - Warsong

by Greg Pak and Tyler Kirkham

WHAT IT'S ABOUT: Pak takes another crack at the Phoenix entity's saga, with the Stepford Cuckoos this time! And Weapon Plus! Is it up to snuff? Does it work as a sequel to Endsong?WHAT I LIKED:

WHY I DIDN'T LIKE IT: Ehhhh it's kinda hard to get into the story, when they're introducing these people who are meant to be "Oh hey it's that one guy from that one comic," except it turns out to be "Oh hey, I've never read anything with these people before."

The series in question is Grant Morrison's New X-Men, and the details include the cuckoos, Dr. Sublime et al, and if you haven't read it, you'll probably get confused. It kinda sucks.

EXTRAS?: Cover gallery of two variants, with a bio on the Cuckoos. Thankfully, no concept sketches from Kirkham, because I have an extreme dislike for his barbie doll style.

FINAL THOUGHTS: I figured I could pick this up on the strength of Endsong, but I was pretty darn mistaken! While Endsong also relied on a background in New X-Men, it didn't take the story to a place where it was entirely dependent on it. Warsong is a pretty bad book in my, uh, book.

Rock on, public education!

Oh wait. So you're telling me school isn't out now?

Right, rightrightright! Today is labor day, and a great deal of you crazy kids start school the next day! Many of my university pals started already 1 or 2 weeks back, but I still have a little less than two weeks to go myself. But anyways, today isn't about me. It's about you!

Good luck!