Unless I Stuck by Ya

9/19/23

Today E gave me a paper with sunflower stickers on it. I don't even think he made it, but he found it and he chose to give it to me. "Daddy these sunflowers are for you."

I don't think he meant much by it, but we sing the Post Malone song "Sunflower" together. It brings back memories of the week of his birth. The sleep-deprived drives I made back and forth between home and the hospital, and the new CD I got for the Spider-Verse soundtrack. 

"Then you're left in the dust / Unless I stuck by ya
You're the sunflower / I think your love would be too much."

He took this mundane thing and it just meant so much to me. It was a song unique to our relationship as father and son, and he acknowledged it. He heard it. It was his expression of love.


10/23/23

This morning E freaked out when the automatic timer on his sound machine turned off. I waffle between this setting so much, but he's going through a hard time and he's terrified of his room. In Encanto, they show the walls of the house cracking all the time due to the magic, and I think that's what he's afraid of when he stares at the walls in his room. It's terrifying, and it was no help when his soudn machine turned off of its own accord today.

He came to our room screaming and we talked to him. Eventually he let on that it was his sound machine and I felt so bad. I escorted him back to his room, and showed him that the machine can still turn on and off like normal. I disabled the automatic timer at 7AM. I made such a mistake that I decided to stay in his room for the morning. His mom was getting up now so she could take care of them after I spent the morning with them. E needed a positive experience in his room.

We took his Yoshi stuffie and played bedtime with it. We fed it dinner, gave it a bath, brushed his teeth and helped him go to bed. He needed it today.

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Good Thing They Don't Know Math

The scene: a father trying to get his toddler son to go upstairs to start bedtime routine.

F:Almost time to go upstairs. You can have any number of time between 1 and 0 minutes
S: I want 3 minutes
F: you can have 1 minute or 0 minutes
S: I want 2 minutes then
F: you can have 1 minute
S: But I want 2 minutes
F: you can have 2 minus 1 minute
S: Ok

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Breath of the Wild

The Legend of Zelda: The Breath of the Wild launched in 2017 along with the Nintendo Switch, and despite it not even being a pack-in bundle, sold at a 1:1 ratio with the Switch. The Switch was an innovation in the console gaming market, and Breath of the Wild was a similar innovation in open-world gaming. In fact, it won Game of the Year 2017. It was the first game I played that I would truly call open-world, and on the launch week of its sequel, Tears of the Kingdom, I wanted to write down a few of my thoughts.
  • Open-World: Breath of the Wild deviated from the typical Zelda format, in that it gives you all the tools you need from more or less the start of the game. There's a "tutorial" portion where you learn the basics and acquire the tools, but from then on, you're allowed to go where you want and do what you want. This is what makes Breath of the Wild so special -- player agency is the core of the game. If you want to go straight to Hyrule Castle and free the kingdom from Calamity Ganon with nothing but shorts and a tree branch, there's nothing stopping you from doing so. What it gets so right is that it presents you with a myriad of problems, but how you solve them is up to you. There is no wrong answer when it comes to playing this game. If you need to stay warm in the mountains, you can: cook a bunch of chili peppers and ingest them for temporary cold resistance OR just cook a bunch of food to restore your health every time you take cold damage OR make some money so that you can purchase a cold-resistant tunic, OR make a fireplace and carry a torch around you to stay warm OR a bunch of things I haven't thought of!
  • Discovery: The first time I realized the weather played a role in this game, I died from the freezing climate of the mountains. I had to find enemy campfires and take them over to stay warm. Then I discovered that I could light my weapons on fire and travel with them to stay warm -- but then the weapons broke and I was out in the cold again. From there, I had to learn how to cut down trees, start my own campfires and use durable torches to stay warm, not tree branches. I arrived at this solution on my own, and it was a story unique to me. I was given the agency and the tools to discover on my own, and that's what Breath of the Wild does so well.
    • This sense of discovery is ingrained into the DNA of the game. 100+ hours in, I'm still discovering new tidbits in the game. Follow your curiosity and the game will reward you. Nowhere is this greater than with the Korok Seeds, of which there are 900 scattered throughout the kingdom. I'm writing this article with over 400 in my belt, and I look forward to the time when I can get more. Link wakes up in the middle of the kingdom in a special place called The Shrine of Resurrection. It's a teleport spot, and on one of my many teleports there, I decided to look back at the place that I woke up from, and there were special lights there. When I examined the lights, it was a Korok seed waiting for me, a little nugget of the game rewarding my curiosity.
  • History: The main character, Link wakes up from a 100-year slumber at the start of the game. 100 years ago, a blight fell on the kingdom and ravaged it, the Calamity Ganon. Nobody could stand against it, including Link. He wakes up with no memories of how he got there, who he is, or what he's doing. That's exactly where the player is at when you begin. I love this mechanic: both you and Link are starting at ground zero. The kingdom becomes a character itself, as the Princess Zelda has left you 12 pictures from different areas of the kingdom, for you to recover your memories. You have to explore the kingdom and find just where these pictures were taken from, in order to unlock your memory. Each memory is special and the feeling of finding another piece of yourself is so rewarding.
So many times I found myself moving my personal goalposts for the game, that special marker that I could consider it "finished" and move on to the sequel, sure to be another hit. My first goalpost was to free the 4 divine beasts of the Kingdom, recover all 12 of my memories and then defeat Calamity Ganon. Then I discovered that there's a 13th memory you unlock, allowing you access to the "true" ending of the game. Then I wanted to make sure that I could leave the hero in a comfortable position, so I went on a massive Korok Seed quest. I'm at 400+ now, but may call it, after completing my current goalpost: Tarrey Town.

"From the Ground Up" is a side quest in the video game that involves you helping to create a new settlement called Tarrey Town in the Eastern part of Kingdom. It's a winding quest that takes you across the 4 corners of the kingdom, and, in my opinion, it's a metaphor for post-racial society. Initially I learned about this sidequest when I was binging the game soundtrack, which has over 200 tracks and is amazing. The Tarrey Town theme is no different, as it iterates on itself. It starts with a quaint, peaceful theme anchored by a saxophone. As you add more people from around the kingdom, notes and themes from their villages of origin are introduced into the song. The lumbering, boisterous trumpet represents the burly Gorons who come to help mine the town. The graceful flute enters the theme as the skyfaring Rito set up shop and trade in the town.

It's a beautiful cornucopia of different people with different skillsets and a celebration of diversity. Everybody contributes their own skillset and everybody is celebrated, much like in the song. I helped make it happen; I helped create this harmonious community comprised of all sorts of people, and better than vanquishing a monster, better than finding the strongest sword, that's the greatest gift that this game could give me. Healing a kingdom in the face of calamity and trauma. I couldn't have imagined a better way to close out my time here. Goodbye for now, Breath of the Wild. Thank you for two months of joy.

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Nope (2022)

Screencaps from fancaps.net

When I was in high school, I used my local library system to watch movies that I missed out on. I found things like Sin City and the entire Indiana Jones collection. It was a way for me to learn about these movies in American culture that I never really got to see myself. My friends would talk about these movies and I wanted to know what they were talking about. I cultivated my taste for movies and explored the kinds of genres that I liked. In college, I did work-study at the library and I went to town. Every week I tried to pick a new movie for myself. I wanted to expose myself to classics like Akira Kurosawa's Samurai Seven and Alfred Hitchcock's Rear Window, and here was an easy way I could do it!

I have kids now and it's not so easy to do this regularly anymore. But still I try, and I'm really happy with the last movie I borrowed. I already knew I liked the team of Get Out (2017), so I knew I was going to try Nope (2022). I didn't expect to like it this much, and honestly there's so much content in the world that it's hard to slow down to talk about one thing, before moving on to the next. I'm purposely slowing down so I can talk about it.

https://filmstudies.princeton.edu/event/uchv-film-forum-jordan-peeles-nope-2022-2/

The last time I felt this way about a movie, was probably Prey (2022) or Arrival. And if I really wanted to go back in time, The Fly. There's really a lot that the story is addressing, and it's up to you what you want to tackle. I really like Nope (2022) and if you like any of those other movies that I mentioned, you might like it too.

Spoilers follow for the rest of this post. If you think you'll like it, you will. So just go watch it and come back. You'll thank me later.

=================Last Warning=================

Nope is a Neo-Western sci-fi horror film, and I'm so happy that I got to type those words out. It really sneaks up on you, and 30 minutes into the movie I was still wondering just what exactly I was getting myself into.
  • What makes it a Neo-Western? It's about one poor family that's down on their luck, and their need to dig and strike gold. It's told in modern times so it's about their attempt to go viral and cash in on the mysterious UFO (UAP?) in their neighborhood before everyone else finds out.
  • What makes it sci-fi? There's a UFO.
  • What makes it horror? The mysterious UFO is more than it seems.

The movie starts with Otis Senior, a horse rancher and his son talking about their horses. Abruptly, a shower of debris falls from the sky and a falling quarter kills Otis Sr. His son, Otis Jr holds on to the quarter and we pick up 6 months later. Otis Sr and Otis Jr are the descendants of the Haywoods, the name of the jockey that appeared in the very first motion picture, Plate 626 from Animal Locomotion. In reality, this jockey was never actually credited, so we'll never know his name, but most jockeys at the time were Black, so this is a small creative liberty taken to highlight the truth of the exclusion of black contribution to American entertainment. It doesn't make things better that the UFO harasses the one black-owned farm in town either, but that's the movie. If you ask me, the primary theme of the film is not race, but rather spectacle, and they tell it to you upfront with the opening quote from the Bible:
“I will cast abominable filth upon you, make you vile, and make you a spectacle” (Nahum 3:6)
The rest of the film is given to you as a way to make sense of that quote. The character of Jupe is a great example. He was a child actor on a 90s sitcom that employed trained chimpanzees as actors. There was a horrific incident one episode where a balloon popped and the chimpanzee went ballistic on the entire cast. Only Jupe survived the incident unscathed, with the others either killed or seriously mauled. However Jupe internalizes it, he's turned it into a business of sorts -- he holds the sitcom memorabilia in a secret room in his office and sells admission to it in his amusement park, "Jupiter's Claim," a Western-themed park. The show exploited an animal for spectacle, and the animal went awry. Since then, it has a devoted fanbase of people who will pay just to see that secret room, and now it's Jupe who's exploiting that spectacle. People just can't take their eyes away.


Because he survived the incident with Gordy, or despite it, he attempts to monetize the UFO. He turns it into a show in his amusement park, and as if to scoff at him, the UFO arrives earlier than he anticipated and shows him what it thinks. It consumes him and the entire audience. For misinterpreting their relationship, Jupe was punished. He misunderstood the animal and didn't give it the respect it deserved. This is in direct contrast to OJ, who quietly observes the UFO, keeps his distance and respects its rules of engagement. Like you don't look a horse in the eye, you don't look this thing in the eye. You can't engage it as a spectacle.


I love these amorphous shots of what you later find out to be the innards of the UFO. Initially, all you see is darkness, with corridors of light and unsettling sounds of pulsating, and later screaming. Most of all, the horror is the unknown. These shots were worth every second.

The Jupiter's Claim incident goes on the news and it becomes more urgent for OJ and his sister to film the UFO and, in a sense, avenge their father, before other people come to town to try to capture the UFO. They set up an elaborate plan with a Geek Squad UFO enthusiast and a filmmaker auteur.

They use what they know about the UFO -- the fact that it interferes with electromagnetic waves in its area, the fact that it gets indigestion from a specific thing, and they set a hilarious stage for the beast.


They save all the action for here, and it's great. It becomes a man vs. animal scene where the only thing man is trying to do, is survive and get the animal on non-electronic film.

There's a mood to the movie, an atmosphere that gives you this sense of dread. Initially, we don't really know what's going on with this giant UFO, only that it spooks the horses and sometimes you can hear screaming when it's nearby. The movie works really well at this feeling of suspense, climaxing in this amazing scene at an attempt to capture the UFO on film. The UFO reveals its true form, and I love the design here. 





When OJ does look it in the eyes, he's trying to save his sister and distract it. As if challenged, the monster inflates itself and reveals its ribboned mouth. It's haunting. It's beautiful. Later, when it sees a hot air balloon, it unfurls those ribbons and shrieks, as if to intimidate the air balloon. It's such a cool take on what a UFO could be.

OJ buys enough time for his sister to get a "final shot," and the film is realized with this final shot: OJ the lone man riding on his horse, still standing as the dust settles.


It's a great shot. It's a victorious shot, and it's a Western shot. He survived and now this time he gets to be the one to tell the story. He and his sister are the ones with the unique footage and they get to reclaim the story that was taken from their ancestors.

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