It's hip, its edgy, it's cool

It's the Goddamn Batman.

This is so wonderful. Whenever someone -your mom, your spouse, your boy/girlfriend, that funny-smelling guy down the street- anyone tells you, "I love you," here is what you do:

1. Slink into a shadow, so that half your face is obscured, and half isn't.
2. Grimace. Don't forget to put your back into it!
3. Here's the key part. You need to inject some soul into this part. You need to have planned this part five days ahead. You need to utter,

   "Nobody loves anybody, my darling.

   "We just survive."
   

Got it?

Now you should be all set! Feel free to play around with the methodology, but now you know the standard response when people say they love you. Use this knowledge only for good. Oh, and one more thing:

Thank you. I love you.